Teachers Teaching Teachers
by loveferries
Summary: au: mer and der are student teachers and very close. other characters also. Sequal is up. So Small
1. Chapter 1

**this is an au where Meredith and Derek are both student science teachers. they are the same age. Meredith has Mrs. McNichol as a teacher and Derek had Mr. McNichol as a teacher. Mr and Mrs McNichol were married and had one daughter named Sophia. **

the bell rang for the students change classes. Meredith is a student teacher for a 11th grade chemistry class. The actual chemistry teacher, Mrs. McNichol, (who was also Merediths chemistry teacher) was just leaving the room not specifing where she was going and shuting the door behind her.

Meredith was grading papers when she heard a small knock on the door then saw it open. It was Derek. He gave her a seductive smile, locked the door, and turned off the lights. She put down her purple pen that she was grading with and walked over to him. they met at the front of the room where you could not be see from the door.

He took her head in his hands and kissed her so passionatly that she felt like her knees might buckle. Her hands started to roam around his back and hips. his hands let go of her face and traveled down her curves and at the same time his lips traveled down her neck and started to kiss, lick, and bite at her collarbone. when she let out a small moan his hands went quickly to her shirt. The buttons couldn't come off fast enough for either of them so Meredith started to undo his button down shirt at the same time.

when he finaly got her shirt and bra off he started gently massaging and cuping her breast. she had already gotten off his shirt and pants and was quietly moaning, making sure the people in the rooms around then would not hear, at the touch of Dereks hands. She couldn't wait any longer and started to take off her own pants and panties while derek took off his boxers.

Meredith took the condom out of his pocket and started to roll it down his erect penis. as soon as they started kissing getting prepared for what was to come the door unlocked by another key without Meredith and Derek knowledge. once to door started opening Meredith noticed because she was the one facing the door. It opened and when Derek heard it he huged Meredith tighter as if to make them both disaperar from the humiliation that would soon come after this moment.

Mr and Mrs McNichol were walking through the door and only Mr. McNichol noticed after he shut the door behind them both. he saw them and just stood in aw not having time to stop his wife from geting down on her knees to start unbuttoning his pants.

he started to pull her up by her arms which was easy because she was just as petite as Meredith was. She turned around to look at what he saw and just droped her jaw.


	2. Chapter 2

**thanks for the awsome reviews. i was always nervous that this was what my teachers are doing behind closed doors. thats where i got the idea. this leaves off in the same place. By the way Mr and Mrs M are only 30.**

"You, my room now." Mr.M said to Derek pointing down the hall.

Meredith and Derek still had their eyes tightly closed trying to pretend they were not there. Derek held her tightly in his chest trying to make the pain she was going to feel go away.

"you get dressed and i will be back in when he has left and you have dressed" Mrs. M said to meredith in a very stern voice. they both walked out of the door.

Derek let her go reluctantly and watched her start to get her bra and panties back on. "wait a minute we arn't going to finish what we started" Derek said with a grin on his face. she did not notice his grin and thought that he was serious.

"Derek, my chem teacher is standing..." she looked up after cliping her bra on and noticed that he was joking. She hit his arm playfully but as it came back to her side he grabed it and pulled her into a deep passionate kiss. she pulled away at the sound of her teachers voice "I'm waiting, and people are starting to watch me."

they both got dressed and he kissed her once more before leaving the room saying "I am happy this almost happened even if we got caught." they both smiled and she said " so am i."

he started to walk out of the room with his head down so Mrs. M's eyes couldn't meet his. she walked back into the room with meredith and shut the door. Meredith sat down in the exact seat that she sat in when she was in that very class about seven years ago.

"What if I had been a student? what if I was with a student or even worst a principal. what would they thing about you. What about me?" she had a pause trying to get her toughts together "I can't believe that you were going to do that! in school!!!! You were one of my favorite students when you were in school. I never thought you would have done something like this." Mrs. M put her hand on her head and she started to pace which was normal for her to do when she was upset.

"ME!!!! what about you?" Meredith said geting louder as she went on. "It didn't look like you and Mr.M were talking about molarity and chemical formulas."

"I was... I was looking for myyyyyyyy earing." she said clearly lying.

"Well I found it" Meredith said sarcasticly " ITS IN YOUR EAR!"

**sorry about the wait I had a werid couple of days they won't all have this long of a wait.**


	3. Chapter 3

Meredith walked out of the classroom and down towards the teachers room. She grabed her lunch out of the frige and started to walk out the door when someone poped out from the corner of the hallway.

Izzy Stevens came around the corner with a big grin on her face. "So, how was your day mine was awsome I helped a student get out of an abusive home at 9. Then helped a kid fill out college applications to three ivy league schools at 10. Then set up a girls school schedule for next year with 3 ap courses." she had said that all in less than 30 seconds without taking a breath so she was very out of breath. Izzy was one of the schools top psychologist and had gotten many awards for what she had done. Once Mer did not say anything after her story was done she knew some thing was up. Izzy went in to her psychologist voice and said "whats up with you usaually you are all up in arms about something your star student Shelby did today." Shelby was one of her students who was in Regents chem, but she could have excelled easily in a ap course, she was always suprising meredith about what someone so young could do.

"I kind of got yelled at today"

"what did you do now" They both walked into a small room which was the science storage room. Inside this room was all of the equiptment used for any of the science classes. When you go through the back door of this room you enter the green room. this room isn't used for many classes except the ecosystems classes but meredith always thought of it as one of the coolest rooms in the school. Meredith and her freinds ate in there whenever they could. They walked into the very hot room(because the greenroom has a see through celing to let light in for the plants and the small koi pond) only to find Christina already sitting down with her sandwich. "So Mer what did you do.I heard that Mrs.M never yells at anyone."

Christina was already intrested and put down her sandwich but not before throwing a small peice of bread to one of the koi fish that had been splashing her, from the make shift pond in the room, to get a peice of food.

Once they were both paying attention to her she started "well Derek came into the room ...and things kind of got out of hand... and we had done it before in there... but this time someone walked in." she said in a very small voice you could easily tell she was embarased.

"wooooow you had sex with Mcdreamy in your classroom, i'm not even that horny." Christina said with a smirk across her face with the last statment.

"Wait you have done it in school before? is it ok that i am siting in this seat or should i move over closer to the windows." Izzy said quickly losing her appitiete and dropping her fork from her salad into her dish.

"No you are fine there. but i am not saying anything about where you sat yesterday in my classroom" Meredith and Christina started laughing and almost fell off there chair when Izzy took her vanilla sented handsanatizer out of her purse and put a lot on her hands.

At that moment the door started opening, because they probably shouldn't be eating in that room and if some teacher came in they could get in a lot of trouble, so they quickly stoped laughing and stayed as quiet as they could. When they saw their other freind George walked into the room. He was a student teacher for a history class. "Christina how could you do that to one of my students. I can't believe you would do something like that." said george in an angery tone.

"I can't believe that that is the second time I heard almost the same two sentances in the last hour" she said it is total disbelief not even wondering what Christina did.

"What it was an accident and there is something wrong with that kid because i did not even hit him that hard." said Christina. now Meredith was intrestied in what Christina had done.

"Christina you are the p.e. teacher why do you always have to play dodge ball with your students. and besides that isn't it a rule that you don't hit kids in the face. student or teacher"

"Bambi you are just pissed becasue that was you ten years ago"

"ya that dosn't make it right"

"hes right Christina who did you hit any way" said Izzy

"It was Jimmy Kaime the bigest nerd in the school."

"oh well he is a bit of a nerd" said Meredith with a quiet tone knowing she shouldn't say that about a student.

"Holy Shit you are the meanest..." Izzy said pointing at Christina "Sluttiest..." she said pointing at Meredith "and bravest people I know" she said the last one towards George. she walked closer to him kissed him one the lips and said "I thought that that was very brave of you to stand up for what you believe in" she quickly kissed him again and left them all.


	4. Chapter 4

It was after school. Meredith was siting in one of the student desks going over the periodic table of elements. Mrs.M had gone to make copies. She hered someone come into the room. Looking up she saw the one and only derek. A smile played on her lips not wanting him to know what he did to her. "Could I talk to you for a second."

She nodded saying "Ok try this problem and I will be right back." Meredith got up and walked out into the hallway. The way the hallway was set up so there were lockers in the wall then a line of lockers across from the wall. Derek pulled Meredith into the cove created by the lockers and kissed her deeply. "we...can't...do this...here...anymore." Meredith said inbetween kisses.

"Then...I geuss...we...will...have...to do...it...more...at...home." Derek replied still talking while kissing.

"Can't you two keep your hands off each other for two hours." It was Mrs.M who kept walking into the room after she saw them

Meredith just looked up at him "Oh my god I am a slut. Shes right I can't keep my off of you for two hours. what is wrong with me." she asked throwing her hands up in the air.

"Its not whats wrong with you its just that I am so hot you can't keep your hands off of me. And you are most definitly not a slut." He took her shoulders and made her look at him while he said that. "So are you going to let me go out with the most beautiful woman in this school tonight."

Meredith just nodded and said "I have to get back. I have some kids i am helping." She kissed him quickly on the lips and went back into the room.


	5. Chapter 5

"Come in, Der. The door is open" yelled Meredith from the bathroom when she heard the door bell ring.

"Meredith, Don't you think that you should keep your door locked or at least not tell someone when it is unlocked. What if I was a murderer or a rapist" Derek said as he walked into the apartment and sat down on the couch.

"Derek you could never be a rapist to me. I could never say no to you." She said as she walked into the living room still puting a ear ring in to her right ear. Dereks mouth dropped as he saw her beautiful black dress which showed off her clevage from the low neck line. It also hugged her curves which made her look beautiful. He got up off the couch and put his arms around her waist to pull her hips closer to his.

"I don't know. Tonight I am going to have my way with you so many times tonight after I see you in that beautiful dress you might be so exausted that you will be say no." He said kissing her lightly on the lips. "Well as much as I would like to stay here, go into your room, and have my way with you right now. We have to go to make our reservations." He said leading her to the apartment door.


	6. Chapter 6

"Wait where have I seen that dress before." Derek questioned when they were driving to their secret date place.

"On the first day we met. I wore this dress during the meet and greet thing for school." Meredith said to Derek smiling that he remembered.

"Thats right. That was a great night. I still remember it like it was yesterday. I esecially remember you coming crawling back to me after you ditched me." Derek said noticing that she had gone quiet after he said the last part.

_Flashback_

_Everyone was walking around in the large banquet room. They had drinks in their hands from the open bar on the right side of the room. Their were teachers who were going to teach the student teachers and the student teachers themselves. Meredith was sitting at the bar getting a drink of tequilla when Derek came over and started talking to her._

_"Double scotch single malt please." He ordered from the bartender. He glanced towards Meredith taking her all in automaticaly thinking she was radiant but not wanting to scare her away._

_"So do you know any good places to hang out." He asked as his drink was being pored. _

_"I wouldn't know." She said not putting to much into talking to him hoping he would go away. "I just moved here and I havn't been out much."_

_"Oh really. I am also new in town too." He said as she was still looking towards her glass. "So your ignoring me."_

_"Um, I am tring to." she said still not puting much effort forward._

_"Well you shouldn't ignore me" he said geting a cocky smile on his face._

_"Why not." she said putting a little more effort into him but still trying to get him to leave her alone._

_"Because I am someone you have to get to know to love." He said still with the smile. She finally turns towards him smiling back at him._

_"So if I know you I will love you" she said with a questioning look on her face._

_"Oh yes"_

_"Well thats to bad because I actually have to go now. I came with a friend and I should probably go and find him." She said looking around the room._

_"You know you are going to miss out. Like I said you will love me if you get to know me. Maybe we will see eachother in school. What subject are you in?" He asked as he wrote something on a napkin._

_"Um I am Chemistry. I have McNichol. They didn't say anything about who ever it is. I don't even know if its a woman or man." She replied as she was about to walk away but he grabed her hand and stuck the napkin into her hand. She looked down at the napkin which read 'get to know me. You will love me' then there was a phone number under it. When she looked up to look at him but he was gone no where to be seen._

"Derek can we not talk about this. That wasn't my best day." He put his hand on her thigh and started to rub it soothingly. "Mer, its ok that we went a little fast on the first date. You know that that dosen't matter to me." He looked at her but she looked like she was about to shoot him.

"Derek I am not mad about that! I just don't want to talk about it ok?" she asked him to drop it but he was very curious now.

"Ok Mer but I do want to know what was so bad that day." They rode the rest of the way in silence.


	7. Chapter 7

Derek pulled the car over to the side of the road and Meredith looked around worried about where they had stoped.

"Derek where are we." Meredith asked.

"Well we only have about five minutes until we get to our date place."

"Well thanks for the update but why have we stopped."

"Its a suprise so I am going to ask you very nicly to put this on." Meredith was very confused when Derek reached back into the back seat and brought back a slip of cloath.

"Where do you want me to put that. It better not be on my face because this make up took me half an hour to do and I am not messing it up." She said very sternly.

"Meredith, please. Just put this on and you can do what ever you want to me tonight when we get back to your apartment." He said seductivly while giving her his McDreamy smile.

"Anything? Well what if I don't like your suprise?" she questioned back at him.

"Well there is no way that you are not going to like my suprise but if you don't..." He tried to think of something he could offer "I will grade all your paper for the rest of the month."

"Ok we have a deal." Meredith said turning around to allow Derek to put the blind fold on. He placed it on her head gently trying not to mess up her hair. "Ok so we are off once again." Derek started up the car and started to drive away.


	8. Chapter 8

Meredith looked and saw a ferry boat covered in white Chritmas lights. She looked over to Derek and said "Oh my god." she looked back towards the ferry boat as Derek took her hand and lead her into the ferry boat.

When they got inside Meredith was suprised to see one lonely table with two candles and two plates with covers. He left me alone at the door where we came in and went over and pulled out my chair. He motioned for me to sit down. Meredith felt the boat start to move and she went over to sit down with the biggest smile on her face.

"You really didn't have to do all of this." She said as he took off the cover of the plate.

"But I wanted to do this for you. You deserve it." She just shook her head no as she started digging into her meal.

"We really could have just stayed in tonight. And the desert would have probably been much better." she said sedutivly.

"Who says we couldn't have that desert tonight. On a ferry." He said giving her his McDreamy smile.

"Derek we can't do it here. There are people." She said taking bites of her meal.

"Actually, The only person on here is the captin. And I told him not to come back unless it was an emergancy. And I hate to say..." He shook his head. "No I love to say that all I can think about with you in that dress is ripping it off in my car for the first time."

She noticable tensed up and put her fork down. "Derek I thought we were not going to talk about that." She said weakly not meeting his eyes.

"Meredith what happened that was so bad. Let me understand." He took her hand.

They sat in scilence for what seemed like hours but only a matter of seconds until she finally started to speak. "That man." she stoped looking at him making sure he knew who she was talking about. "Well I knew him more than I led on about." She said looking down at her plate.

_Flashback_

_Meredith smiled down at the note the man had given her. She placed it in her purse and started to walk out of the hall. She knew that she should go and find the man she came with but she really had to go to the bathroom. He didn't even come for her. He heard the words open bar and insisted he come with me. He wasn't an alcoholic or anything he just liked his vodka. The bathroom was down the hall from the banquet room._

_The hallway was poorly lit and the rain outside didn't give her much natural light. She found the door to the bathroom and pushed the door open. _

_She walked in scilently because her shoes didn't make much noise. She imediatly stoped when she heard noise comeing form one of the stalls._

_"Ummm...harder...you need to go deeper." That was a womans voice and she didn't seem to be trying to keep her voice down. She was about to leave until she heard something else._

_"C'mon say my name. You know you want to." He said inbetween grunts. She knew that voice. It was the voice of her boyfriend of two years. The man she thought that she loved. She felt like she needed to vomit._

_"Mark Sloan is the greatest sex machine in the entire world." She seemed to scream. With that Meredith ran out of the bathroom into the hall bauling tears. She sat down on one of the benches out side of the banquet room. She knew she couldn't go back in there with out all of her friends asking what had happened and she just couldn't talk about it right now. _

_She leaned her head back and tried to get her breathing under control. She closed her eyes when she heard foot steps going down the hallway. She peaked her eyes open just in time to see a red headed lady walking back into the banquet room. She closed her eyes as the tears started to fall oncemore._

_Then she heard another set of footsteps. She quickly wiped away the tears streaming from her face. He slid into the seat next to her and put his arm around her shoulders. Meredith quickly slid away from Mark and out of his embrase._

_"Meri, what happened to you. You look like you have been crying." He tried to scooch closer to her but she moved farther away._

_"I told you I don't like to be called Meri!" She yelled at him. She had told him numerous times that she didn't like to be called that._

_"Oh c'mon Meri I know what will cheer you up. We go into the bathroom and I can help you release some 'stress'." He said bringing his hand up closed to her core._

_"No, Mark Sloan is the greatest sex machine in the world." She said standing up and getting farther away from Mark._

_"You know it Babe." He said getting closer to her. She tried to get away from him but he grabed her hand to quickly that she couldn't get away._

_"Let go of me" Meredith said calmly when he pulled her into his body so she was facing him._

_"Why are you acting like this?" Mark questioned as Meredith felt a hand snake down her flat stomach and inbetween her legs._

_"Because we are over..." She gasped in pain as she felt his hand dip into the shirt she was wearing. "I heard you in the bathroom." The hand that wasn't trying to pull down her underwear took both of her wrists and placed them on his pants which covered his growing erection._

_"We are anything but over." He wispered in her ear. He picked her up by her ass. She slaped him across the face but he didn't stop._

_"No put me down." _

_"Hey I think she said no and you should put her down." said a man from behind Mark and Meredith. Meredith imediatly recognized the voice of the man she met at the bar._

_"Hey don't worry man you can have your chance after I am done with her." he said turning back around towards the bathrooms._

_"Help" was all that Meredith could say when Mark covered her mouth with his hand._

_With that said the man she met at the bar took three large steps and hit Mark hard in the face. He let go of Meredith letting her fall to the ground but Derek quickly wrapped his arms around Meredith torso chatchng her before she fell. He let her get her balance before letting go and turning back towards Mark. "C'mon lets get you away from this man." He said towards Meredith._

_They walked back into the banquet hall and towards a secluded corner where people couldn't see them very well._

_He brushed a peice of hair out of her face. "Are you ok?" He asked her sitting her down in one of the chairs while he neeled down infront of her._

_"I'll be fine." She said as she looked down at her feet. "Meredith" she said quickly and he didn't quite chatch it._

_"What was that?" he asked._

_"My name. Its Meredith." She said finally looking up in his eyes and felt her self start to get lost in the beautiful blue irises of his eyes._

_"My name is Derek. Its a plesure to meet you. Even if it wasn't the best situation." He smiled. The smile seemed to be infectious because even if it wasn't funny she let out a little giggle which made him laugh. _

_"Well Derek how about we get a drink." She stood up from the chair and he stood up with her placing his hand on the small of her back. When he did that she looked up and gave a small smile letting him know that what he was doing was alright._

_We went over and got a couple of drinks. He seemed to be holding his liquor very well and only was a little tipsy. While on Merediths side of the table was very intoxicated._

_"I hate guys. Guys and their stupid boy penises. they suck. they all suck."_

_"Well that is great for me. but just to let you know my penis is all man."_

_"Oh is that so."_

_"yes of course it is."_

_"Well I will just have to take your word for it because there is no way you are going to get into my pant tonight. Thats not going to happen. So not happening."_

_"I am fine with that I will just have to prove it on our next date." He said giving her the McDreamy smile._

_"Lets dance. This is way to much talking for the first date." Meredith said finishing her last shot._

_"Oh so this is a date."_

_"Well if it is you are a cheep scate since all of the drinks you are getting me are free."_

_"Ok well then this is not a date. Because you deserve a very nice dinner."_

_They started to dance as soon as the song finished. A slow song came on and Meredith jumped towards Derek. Derek placed his hands on her hips and Meredith wraped her arms around his neck. Derek leaned down and placed his lips over hers. The kiss started out small but as his tounge caressed her bottom lip and she opened her mouth. There tounges started to dance and fell all the little corners of eachothers mouth. _

_They pulled back as the need for oxygen became to great._

_"Take me for a ride, Derek." She said smiling._

_He placed an arm around her shoulders and walked her out of the banquet hall and out into the stormy night._

_He opened the door to his car and slid into the passanger side seat. She slid in right on top of him stratling his legs. He grined when he felt her recline his seat. Meredith crashed her lips into his and started to moan when she felt his arousal poking into her belly._

_Derek's hands slid up her sides and back down to her hips and shifted her slightly closer to him._

_Meredith leaned into him, pushing herself as close to him as possible with their clothes on. Derek broke the kiss long enough to pull her shirt over her head. Their mouths fused together, hands frantically wandering. Meredith's fingernails scratched his chest and she ripped his buttons trying to get them undone. He pulled his black skin tight undershirt over his head and she unhooked her bra. She didn't fully take off her bra nervous that someone might see. Derek quickly noticed her hesitation and took the button up shirt that she had taken off. He put it on her arms after waiting for her to take off her bra and pulled it up so only Derek could see her breasts._

_Derek groaned when her hips started rocking ever so slightly, increasing the friction between them. "If you keep doing that," he whispered against her neck, "then this is going to be all over before it starts."_

_Meredith smiled and tilted her head back, stilling the unconscious rocking of her hips. She lifted herself up when he started pushing her pants off her hips. "I don't know how we're going to work this," she grunted._

"_Lean back," Derek said._

_Meredith leaned back, gripping the dash and dutifully pulling her leg up when Derek tugged on it. When her pants were successfully off, she leaned back into him. "I'm impressed," she said laughingly as he kissed her._

"_You have to be smarter than what you're working with," he countered breathlessly when she pulled back._

_Meredith trailed kisses along his jaw as her hands started fumbling with his belt. "I'm completely naked and you're still practically fully clothed," she complained._

_Derek stilled her hands and finished unbuckling the belt. She slowly unbuttoned his pants and she dipped her hand into his boxers._

_Derek hissed when first made contact. "Stop," he rasped when she slowly stroked him. He helped her push his boxers and pants low enough on his hips so that he was free. He pushed himself up, unintentionally brushing against her heat as he fished for his wallet. He pulled out a condom and she helped him roll it on._

_Meredith bit her lip as she slowly rose above him, her heart beating as his hands drifted down to her hips to position her. She helped guide him and she sank down with a groan. She involuntarily clenched around him and he growled low in his throat. She kissed him with a bruising passion as they started moving. His grip at her waist was bruising as their movements became more heated and forceful._

_Derek almost lost it when Meredith's hand gripped the hair on the crown of his head. His teeth raked across her neck and she cried out in pleasure and pain._

_Derek reflexively bit down on the soft flesh where her neck met her shoulder when her inner muscles tightened around him._

_Meredith's fingernails scraped across the back of his neck as her hand tightened in his hair. She rode out the waves of her orgasm and collapsed against him._

_Meredith placed her bra back on and let Dereks shirt fall around them._

_Meredith sat up to look at him and when the hair fell around her Derek pushed it back around her neck and held it in place._

_"I thought I wasn't getting in your pants tonight?" Derek question as he pulled the shirt farther up her arms._

_Well tenincaly I still have my pants on. They are just hanging a bit low." She said and started to giggle. Her giggle made him start to laugh._

_He cupped her face in his hands and brought her down to kiss her again._

_A knock came from outside and they both looked up smiling only to see and young woman and a young man outside. Meredith imediatly dug her face into Dereks chest hoping the woman who was outside hadn't seen her._

_The man who was the one knocking said "Hey could you to move this tail wagon. Your blocking us in." He left placing his hand on the small of the womans back._

_"Shit. Mer they are gone." Derek said._

_"No this is shit for me. You have nothing to shit about do you know who that is." She pointed out the window to where the two people were a couple of seconds ago._

_"No who are they?" Derek asked pushing her hair back again as she started to pull up her pants._

_"The woman was Mrs. Doucet. She was my Chemestry teacher when I went to this school. That means that she could easily see me since I was stupid enough to go into the same subject that she teaches. And now this." She pointed to Derek. "Now I am going to be the whore of the school. What if she is friends with this McNichol person. This could have screwed everything up for both of us." She said flopping her face back down onto Dereks chest._

_"Just so you know." He said pulling her face back so there lips could meet "I don't regret it." He said smileing._

"Meredith, why didn't you ever tell me he was your boyfriend. I thought he was just some guy." He said brushing a peice of hair out of her face.

"I know I should have told you...I just...I...couldn't." She looked back down towards her food. He got up and walked over to her side of the table and easily lifted her from the chair into his arms.

"Its fine. I do feel a little like I was taking advantage of you."

"Finally this is settled you admitted you were taking advantage of me." She cheered and through her arms up into the air. Derek took that moment to turn on the boom box next to him. It turned on to the song that they first danced to. Meredith fell into his arms and they danced around the ferry just looking into eachothers eyes and reminding themselves of how lucky they were.


	9. Chapter 9

They danced until the song was almost over when Derek tipped her back and his lips were on hers, his tongue immediately demanding entrance.

Immediately Meredith's arms wrapped tightly around Derek's neck, holding him tightly against her. Derek tipped them back into a standing possition. Dereks's hands, although they had begun on her waist, had already made their way up her sides, brushing against her breasts. Meredith gasped, arching herself up against Derek, who took that as an invitation to keep his hands in place. He continued to massage her through her dress, while Meredith began to slightly grind her hips against Derek's growing arousal. The physical need between the two of them was painstakingly obvious.

Derek let out a groan, separated his lips from hers and started to trail kisses down Meredith's neck towards the area where his hands were busy. She was semi-delirious from Derek's attack on her breasts. He had always been able to provoke feelings within her that no other man could. At that moment, Derek pushed Meredith's shirt and bra down, exposing her right breast and swiftly attached his lips to her nipple, sending Meredith into a state of oblivion.

Her hands unconsciously went down to Derek's pants, quickly undoing the belt, unbuttoning the snap and unzipping the zipper. Derek let out a strangled cry as Meredith pulled him out of his boxers, took him in her hand and started to slowly stroke.

"Oh God, Meredith…" Derek breathed, his hands automatically moving to rest on either side of her head, leaning against the wall, his knees too weak to support himself. She continued her strokes, enjoying Derek being at her mercy.

After regaining some sort of control, Derek pushed his weight against Meredith and went to work on her skirt. She was still slowly teasing him with her hand and could feel moisture at the tip, realizing he was much closer than she thought.

However, she didn't have to worry about that because Derek had successfully already undone her skirt and let it fall around her legs. Meredith let out a small scream when Derek pushed her panties aside and inserted two fingers into her. Luckily Meredith remembered that they weren't exactly in the privacy of her bedroom and bit onto Derek's shoulder to muffle her screams. As Derek continued to push in and out, his thumb found her clit and rubbed small circles against it. Meredith was sent over the edge before she even realized she was close. Her body shook and she could feel herself pulsing around Derek's fingers, which were still slowly moving inside her, prolonging her experience.

"Oh my God, Derek," Meredith groaned, slowing coming down from her high.

"Not done yet," Derek claimed, positioning himself in front of her.

Meredith didn't even have time to process Derek's last statement. Derek simply removed his fingers and thrust himself up into her. Both let out low moans as Derek roughly pulled out and pushed himself back in. A fast and almost erratic rhythm was established as Derek continued to pound into Meredith. She met him thrust for thrust, gasping into his shoulder. He pulled her into a deep and passionate kiss, their tongues battling for control as their bodies moved as one. When neither could breathe, they broke apart and Derek went to work on her neck, sucking and biting, muffling his moans of pleasure.

Meredith knew she couldn't hang on much longer. She leaned into Derek's ear and encouraged him along, hoping he would finish with her.

"Come for me, Derek. Ahh…that's right. Right there…" she moaned.

"Meredith, God…"

Meredith let out a strangled cry threw her head back, and rode out her orgasm. Derek felt her tighten around him and let go, emptying himself into her. They kept moving, slowing down, letting each other catch their breath.

"Meredith,"

"Mmmhhhh" Was her only reply

"I think I love you"

She immediatly pulled her head back from the possition it was in in his neck with a scared look on her face.


	10. Chapter 10

_"I think I love you"_

She immediatly pulled her head back from the possition it was in in his neck with a scared look on her face.

She immediatly pushed him away from her and went towards her cloaths.

"Mer, don't run. I know you like to run but now there is no where to run to. I planed to tell you tonight on a boat so you couldn't run. I love you please don't run from this." He said putting on his cloaths as she did.

"You did it on a boat so I couldn't get away from you." She said in a harsh toan. "Ok I am going outside to think. Don't follow me." She said turning around and walking out of the door to the outside.

She sat down on a bench outside and let the wind blow over her entire body. She immediatly got goose bumps from the cold night ocean breeze. The short sleave shirt was looking like a bad idea but then again this whole night was looking like a prety bad idea now.

Did she love him? Could she love him? Yes she totally loved him. But she loved her father. She loved her mother. Everyone who she loved, left. She couldn't handle it if he left. He was different from her father who acctually left. He was different from her mother who emotionaly left her. The man she loved had cheated on her then didn't fight for her when she told him it was over. Face it. Everyone who she told that she loved them left. It was fate and she knew she couldn't fight it. She just couldn't. She picked up her phone calling home hoping to get Izzy. Christina would say jump off the boat and swim away from him as fast as she could. George answered.

"Meredith where are you."

"Sorry I was on a date with Derek." She started to cry.

"Mer, whats wrong." George loved Derek. Since we had all been friends since high school there had always been just him as the boy but now with Derek he had a man or as they said 'leveled out the estrogen-testostorone levels in our group.'

"Nothing is Izzy there I have something to talk to her about."

"No she is not talk to me about it." He said concerningly.

"Its...just...He told me he loved me." She said quickly.

"Mer, thats awsome why are you calling me now shouldn't you guys be jumping eachother."

"Its just I didn't say it back."

"Why not don't you love him?"

"Yes of course I do its just that...What if he leaves like everyone else." She says letting all of the tears fall just thinking of him leaving.

"Meredith, He won't leave you but if you leave him, you will change who he is. Do you know what kind of miracle it is that Derek is who he is? Do you know how rare it is that someone like him even exists? He's an optimist. He still believes in true love and soulmates. He's waiting for you."

"Ok. I can do this." she said taking a deep breath.

"Good just keep telling your self that and you will be fine. Bye Meredith."

She got up after hanging up the phone and went to the side of the boat. She hung from the metal handle bar looking over the bay. She could do this. She would do this. And it would be great.

She heard a creak and with out having any time to react the bar that kept her away from the bay broke. 


	11. revised chpt 11

She heard a creak and with out having any time to react the bar, that kept her away from the bay, broke.

She didn't have anytime to react as she toppled into the bay screaming until she hit the water. The position she was in made her go unconsious when she hit.

As soon as Derek heard Meredith scream he ran out the door which she had exited not even five minutes before. Then he heard a splash and he knew what happened as he could see Meredith's lifeless body sinking into the water. He didn't take anytime to hit the emergency stop button right behind him next to the door.

He heard the bell ringing that went off once he hit the stop button. He jumped into the water in a swan dive. It took a moment for Derek to find Meredith since she had started to sink under the water.

He brought her head to his to check for breathing. She was breathing. He started to pray even though nither her nor him were religious people. He didn't even start to think about why she was in the water but she was.

The water was so cold he hugged a limp Meredith close to his body hoping they would help keep eachother warm. He was shivering and his teeth were chattering but Meredith still didn't move.

He saw the captin on the side of the boat looking into the water. He was searching for who ever was in the water.

"Hey over here." He yelled and waved one arm since the other one was keeping Meredith afloat.

The captin threw a rope ladder over the side of the boat towards Derek and Meredith. "Mer, Mer, you need to be here." He said while trying to shake her awake. She needed to hold on to the ladder.

It was to cold and he knew that. They needed to get out of the water. He wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Uuuuuuhhhhhh" Meredith moaned. His heart soared knowing that she was still with him. She started to shived in his grasp.

"Mer, you have to try to hold on now ok. Just hold on to me." He felt her grip tighten around his neck and he started to climb the ladder.

About half of the way up the ladder he felt her start to relax her grip. "Mer you have to hold on to me." He yelled as he stopped moving up the ladder. She started to slip and he quickly flipped her around so she was straddling his legs. This helped her out a lot because it seemed that she slipped back into unconciousness.

He finally got back up to the top of the ferry and the captin pulled Meredith off of him. He immediatly went over to Meredith to check her again. She was still breathing but not moving or speaking. The boat was turned around and a ambulance was called to meet them at the dock when they got in.

Meredith was shivering. Derek was too. He knew that they both had to get warmed up but not to fast.

Derek, who was holding Meredith in his arms, started to take off her shirt, for the second time this evening, and his. He pulled her chest to his trying to share body heat. He had heard this technique from his father who was a doctor. "Derek?" she mumbled still not opening her eyes.

"Ssshhhhh, Mer its just me. Just rest. Ok?" He said loving to hear her voice.

"Ok." she said falling back to sleep or unconsiousness. Derek couldn't tell.


	12. Chapter 12

She was sleeping in the hospital bed when the nurse entered. She went over to take Merediths vitals. She placed a hand onto her wrist when Meredith started to stir.

When she woke up she felt an arm around her waist immediatly feeling confortable in the usaually scary hospital room. Derek was spooning her in the hospital bed.

"Good morning Ms. Grey. How do you feel?" The nurse asked as she saw that she was awake.

"Well my head and back hurts but I am fine." She said as she snuggled further into Dereks warm body.

"Well thats good. With that fall you took you will probably have some mild pain but you can take some asprin if you need to." She wrote something in her chart as she started to close her eyes once again. "Um before you go back to sleep, is it ok that he stays there. I am pretty sure he payed off the night nurse and told her that he wanted to sleep next to you one last time or something like that and she is pretty much a sap. So I just wanted to make sure its ok with you."

Meredith was a little put back by what he said. Why would he say that it was the last time he was going to sleep next to her? No. He probably was just trying to get the chance to feel her up through a paper gown. It probably just a lie. It had to be. Right? He wouldn't leave her. He couldn't. He wouldn't. Unfortunatly she was just trying to convince her self. And it wasn't working as well as she hoped.

"Oh ya of corse its fine." She said still in her own worried mind.

The nurse went out of the room and Meredith turned towards Derek so his arm was still around her.

"Dere you have to be here." She said running her hands through his hair. "You have to be here for me always." She started to cry. "I can't breath with out you." Her tears were uncontrolable now. They started to fall onto Dereks face. She wipped them off carfully trying not to wake him up. "Please I need you to be there so I can breath. I need you." She said as her breathing started to get irregular. "Please." She said as she snuggled in closer immediatly soaking up the spot on her shirt. She held him tightly like if she was to let him go he would dissapear.

She fell into a very light sleep but what she didn't know was that Derek had been up for the entire time and the tears that she thought were hers that fell on to his face were mixed with his own.


	13. Chapter 13

She woke up once again in the hospital room with a different nurse poking and proding at her body.

Christina and Izzy walked into the hospital room. "Hey bitch how are you." said Christina as she sat down and took a sip of her coffee.

"I am fine whore." She shot back at Christina sitting up more in her bed.

"I can't believe that you guys actually greet eachother that way. Thats terible."

"Why she can be a bitch." Replied Christina taking another sip of her coffee.

"Ya and most people veiw Christina as a whore." Meredith said trying to get in a confortable position in the very unconfortable bed.

"What? They do not." Said Christina who was odviously upset at the comment.

Meredith giggled and Izzy tried to keep her laugh under her breath. She started to looked around searching for him. "Wheres Derek?" she asked still with a smile on her face.

Christina looked towards Izzy who both had no smiles on her face. It sudenly struck her. He was gone. He must be gone. The smile was just a distant memory on her face which now had a frown and was looking back and forth between Christina and Izzy.

"Where is he Christina?" she asked in a very stern voice. Her eyes started to water knowing that what the nurse had said last night was true. Last night was the last time they slept together.

"We don't know where he is." Said Izzy looking at her with tears forming in her eyes. "All that we know is that he wasn't here when we got here and that note was here." She pointed towards the folded peice of paper sitting on the hospital tray.

She picked up the note with shaky hands. Her name was sprawled on it in Dereks masculine hand writing. The tears fell freely now and her hands were shaking more. She just couldn't bring herself to open it.

"What did it say? Did you guy read it?" She said with her cracked voice.

They only shook their heads. She placed it down quickly and turned her head away from it. She couldn't do it. She couldn't open it with out Derek but if she didn't open it she couldn't have Derek. She needs him. She can't do this with out Derek.

She grabed the letter and opened it quickly before she could rethink doing it. She opened it and started to read it.

Dear Meredith,

You are the love of my life. I don't think that will ever change. The problem with this beautiful relationship is that you don't know where you want to go with this. I want you to be in my life forever and for always. You on the other hand tried to jump off a boat so you wouldn't have to tell me how you really feel. I understand that you had a bad childhood and you never had anyone truly love you but I love you and I never ment to hurt you. I odviously did not do a good job. Thats why I have to break up with you. I thought I could protect you and I am sorry I put you through the things you had to go through. I know relize that it would be selfish of me to stay with you and keep hurting you. I love you too much to do that to you. If I ever really hurt you I don't think I would beable to live with myself.

I will be in school but I will address you as Miss Grey and please do the same courdicy. I don't know how this will work but I am planing to move once my student teaching is over so we don't have to see eachother again. I know you probably hate me for this but it is for the best.

I love you. I get a smile on my face even when I write it but I love you with all my heart which is why I have to let you go. If I loved you I would let you go and be happy with out me even if it ment me not being happy.

Love,

Derek

P.S. I wish I could keep breathing for you.

"Meredith are you ok?" Izzy questioned.

"No, I can't be because he is not here. He is not here so I can not be ok. I can't be fine. I am broken. He broke me after he told me he loved me and now I just can't breath. I need him." He said sobbing and sounding like she was hyperventalating.

_I don't know what I want, so don't ask me  
cause I'm still trying to figure it out  
don't know what's down this road, I'm just walking  
trying to see through the rain coming down  
even though I'm not the only one  
who feels the way I do.  
_

She couldn't breath. She didn't want to. He was gone. He left her forever. She loved him and he left. She loved him so much she wants to spend the rest of her life with him. Everyone leaves her. Why does everyone have to leave her? Why does no one love her? He said he loved her, but obviously that didn't stop him from leaving. Why does she have to drive everyone away from her? She is nothing.

_I'm alone, On my own, and that's all I know  
Oh I'll be strong, I'll be wrong, oh but life goes on  
I'm just a girl, trying to find a place in this world  
_


	14. Chapter 14

Meredith had cried herself to sleep the night before after Christina and Izzy left. She woke up hoping that it was all a dream. She saw the note sitting on the hospital table and knew that she was hoping for nothing. He was gone and he wasn't coming back. She started to cry when she saw a older woman walk through the door.

"Good morning, Miss Grey. How are you doing?" an overly cheerful young woman asked coming to sit down next to Merediths bed.

"How am I doing? How am I doing? I feel... I feel... I feel nothing. I should be feeling something. My wonderful boyfriend just left me. I should feel something. Right?" Meredith questioned to the stranger. "Who are you any way?" Mereidth questioned

"My name is Sydney and I will be your counceler." She said with a big smile.

"They sent me a perky srink. Oh god." She said throwing her head back into her pillow.

Sydney seemed a little put back by that. "So how are you really?" She asked puting the smile back on her face.

"I'm fine." Mereidth replied dryly.

"Now that is outside Meredith talking. How is inside Meredith feeling." she asked while placing a hand over her heart. Meredith let out a small dry laugh and just shook her head. "Now tell me about this boyfriend you were talking about."

"Why should I talk about him now. He is gone and I am alone. I am totally alone. What the hell am I suppost to do now. What can I do."

"You can go back to work and show him that he dosn't effect you. Show him what he is missing."

"But I don't want him not to effect me I just want him to be there for me when he does." Sydney had a weird smile on her face. Meredith groaned "Oh this is one of those stupid reverse pshycology things isn't it."

"Well it can't be that stupid if it worked." She said as her smile got bigger.

"But that still doesn't help me. That just made me admit that I still want him. He thinks that I jumped off a boat to get away from him. How do you fix that."

"Meredith, if you really feel the way you say about this man then that shouldn't be a problem. Just remember. You can fail if you don't give up."

Meredith looked her in the eyes "Do you know Izzy Stevens because you are sounding just like her and its really starting to scare me."

Sydney laughed really loudly and Meredith laughed like she was laughing at her more than the joke.

"Well this Izzy person sounds like a very smart person. Now the main reason I am suppost to be here is that you jumped off a boat. I have to make sure that you are not a danger to yourself or to your students."

"Firstly I am fine. Secondly, I did not jump. I fell."

"Ok, I believe you are fine you can go back to work in ten days." She said with a smile.

"Wait thats all we have to talk about."

"Well the police report stated that the gaurd rail broke so you really didn't even need a psych consolte but a counceler from your school called me. I don't even remember her but she said that we went through some corses in school together and that she wanted me to talk to you as a personal favor."

"Izzy, I am going to kill you" Meredith murmered under her breath.

"What was that?" Sydney questioned.

"Oh nothing. Um when can I leave." Meredith asked before Sydney left.

"You can go when ever your friends come and pick you up."

"Ok." Sydney started to walk out. "Oh and Sydney." She said really quickly. She popped her head back into the room. "Thank you." She just nodded and left Meredith alone to plan how she was going to get Derek back in her life.


	15. Chapter 15

Derek walked down the halls of his school looking for the one person who would tell him about Meredith. Christina would probably chuck a basketball at him for hurting her person. George would probably say that he was to busy to talk because Meredith probably told him not to say anything and he doesn't like confilct. Alex would probably just say screw her and go get a good lay from the slutty teacher assistant Olivia. So He was going to see Izzy.

He walked into the counceling office and knocked on her door. "Come in" He heard her yell.

He needed to talk before she did or she wouldn't tell him anything. She was looking at her computer when he started to talk. "Izzy, I know I hurt Mer and I just want you to know that I only did it because I thought that it was best for her. I know that I would just hurt her more if we stayed together. I couldn't do that to her. I love her to much. I just need to know that she is ok."

"Mer is ok physical. She will be back to school in about five days."

"Is she back home with you guys?"

"Yes, but Derek please just don't come to the house. She needs some time. I know that you still care about her but she won't beable to take it if you come so soon. Please just...if you are going to do something, which I hope you are, wait until she comes back to school. Don't barge in. Ok?"

"Yes of corse if you think thats for the best." He runs his hands through his hair. "How broken is she?" He questions knowing the answer.

"Do you know about her childhood?" Izzy questioned.

"I only know that her mother was emotionaly absent and that her father left when she was young."

"Yes well she thinks now that everyone she loves leaves. Her mother and father left her. Mark, who she thought she loved, left. And now with you she believes that she shouldn't love anyone because that loves that she feels only brings her pain. I can't blame her. I don't think I would feel any different." She looked at him with a sad face.

"Do you think that I could still get her back?" He questioned. Izzy could see the hope in his eyes.

"I think... that you hurt her a lot." His face dropped. "but I think that she loves you and if you do get her back...don't let her go again."

That was all he needed to hear. He exited the room throwing Izzy a quick thanks to go and figure out how to get the love of his life back.


	16. Chapter 16

Meredith was just arriving at school. It was earlier than most people came but she wanted to finish gradeing some papers and make a couple copies before school started.

She had it all planed out. Today during lunch break after everyone had left she would go into his room and tell him everything. That she fell off the boat. That he didn't hurt her. That she wanted him in her life forever and for always too. She was going to play a song to. She just needed him to know that she needs him too. If he doesn't want her back then she would give up.

She walks up the stairs to her room. As she is turning the key in the lock she looks down the hall. Derek walks around the corner looking down at some papers in his hand. She quickly opens the door and shuts it.

Damn it. Damn it. She just practically slamed the door in his face. Now he probably really thinks that she doesn't want to see him. Damn it. She looks like she is throwing a temper tantrum as she jumps up and down on her high heels. Her eyes are tightly closed but when she hears the door open she quickly tries to regain some dignity.

Unfortunatly she fails misribly. When she landed on her heel it twisted and she landed on her ass. The worst part was that the skirt that she was wearing was now laying across her stomach which gave him a perfect view of her lacy black panties. The worst part was that while all of this was happening Derek had walked into the room.

He cleared his throat and tried to stop stairing at the one thing that was keeping her pussy out of view. "Are you ok Mer...Miss Grey." He offered her his hand to get up. She tried to get up with out his help. but as she stood she lost her balance which would have sent her right back onto the ground if he hadn't quickly wrapped an arm around her waist pulling her flush against his body.

They stood there for what seemed to be hours waiting for the other to move. Meredith stared at his lips. She wanted them. She wanted to taste them on hers again. She needed them. She started to lean in to capture his lips with hers and when she was mere centimeters away he pulled back and walked out of the room. Not giving her a second look.

She started to tear up. NO. she told herself. She wasn't going to cry because of course he didn't accept her kiss. He thought that she threw herself off a boat to get away from him. Once he knew the truth he would kiss her non stop. He had to.

She needed to busy herself with something. So she started to write the days agenda on the chalk board. She took a deep breath trying to stay under control.

Then she felt an arm snake around her waist. It was him. He was back. She closed her eyes as she felt him turn her towards him. He quickly wrapped both arms around her and crashed his lips into hers. It didn't seem like the kind gentle kiss that Derek usaually gave her. She didn't care because he was back holding her. That was all that mattered.

She ran her hands across his stomach where she would usaually feel his six pack abs. She felt him run his hand down her ass and up to her shoulders again and again. They were gone. 'Meredith, he is here kissing you and you are worried that his six pack is gone' she yelled at herself.

She breathed him in. His cologne was different. She didn't like this one as much. She like his old masculine rugged smell. She yelled at herself again as she felt him push his tounge into her mouth. 'Why are you worried about his smell. Its still Derek. Thats the only thing that mattered.

"You whore." She hered someone sneer from the doorway.


	17. Chapter 17

Meredith immediatly pulled away to look at the man she was kissing.

Mark.

She was frozen. She couldn't move until she heard the man in the door way run out of the room. She looked up at Mark and slapped him across the face as hard as she could. That knocked his cocky smile right off his face.

She ran after Derek. When she got out of the room she saw that he was already half way down the hall. He wasn't necesarily running but his paces were long and harsh.

"Derek wait" Meredith yelled to him. She ran until she was only five feet infront of him. He kept walking until she grabed his arm. He shook her grasp right off. "Derek wait. Let me explain." He finally turned around.

"Explain what how you were making out with your ex-boyfriend. I think I preatty much understand." He practically yelled at her. They were both very happy that there were not a lot of people in the school at that time.

"Derek its not what you think." She said as she started to tear up. "I wasn't kissing Mark."

"Well it sure did look like you were. Since your tounge was down his throat." Derek hissed back at her. "I was coming back to give these to you and do that to you." He raised up the flowers that she now saw were in his arms. "But it looks like you just went right back to sleeping around. No different of how I found you" and now spoke in a softer voice.

"You don't get to call me whore. When I met you I thought I had found the person that I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I was done, so all the boys and all the bars and all the obvious daddy issues, who cared? Because I was done. You left me! I'm all glued back together now. I make no apologies for how I chose to repair what you broke. You don't get to call me a whore. But it wasn't what you thought." She said as she threw her hands up in the air.

"I really do think that I understand just fine." He said getting the harsh tone back.

"No, I mean that I thought that it was you. I was kissing you. And I didn't care that you smelled different or you six pack was gone because I though that I had you back." The tears were flowing freely now "And that was all that I cared about."

All that Meredith could see in his eyes was love. "Well that would be good enough," He said. Meredith was happy he was going to come back to her then he said something that made her want to stop breathing. "If we were still a couple." He looked away from Meredith for the first time in their entire conversation. "So goodbye, Meredith." He started to walk away even though he saw all of the hurt and sadness in her eyes.

She ran quickly back into her room and grabed the radio that she had brought so she could win Derek back.

"Wait" she turned it on to hear the music come out. It was a clip from a Taylor Swift song that she loved to listen to. She had told Derek once when this song came on to the radio that it should be used in a love story.

He stands there, then walks away  
My God, if I could only say  
I'm holding every breath for you

He'd never tell you  
But he can play guitar  
I think he can see through everything but my heart  
First thought when I wake up is  
My God, he's beautiful  
So I put on my make-up  
And pray for a miracle

Yes, I could tell you  
His favorite color's green  
And he loves to argue  
Oh, and it kills me  
His sister's beautiful  
He has his father's eyes  
And if you ask me if I love him...  
Don't you ask me if I love him...  
'Cause I'd lie

They were a full hallway apart but he could still see the fear in her eyes. The fear that he would leave her again.

"Derek, I don't want to lie. I love you. I always will. I needed the song because I haven't said that to a lot of people. But I was coming back in to that ferry. I was coming back into the dinning room to tell you that. But I fell Derek. I fell. The gaurd rail broke and I fell into the water. I would never want to jump away from you." She hadn't noticed but during her speach Derek was moving closer and closer to her until he was once again only five feet infront of her. She looked up at him and took a deep breath because she didn't take one during her entire speach.

"What did you say." He said with a large smile on his face. She took it as a harsh saying.

"I know that this sounds like some teenage love story. And I went all John Cuzack on you. But Derek I love you. I had this all planed out and now I can even remember what I was going to say. I wanted so much to hate you. But I can't. Then I try to think of things that would make me hate you but I can't. I just can't. And I really don't want to but..." Derek stoped her from rambling.

"Meredith, just tell me what you said earlier."

"Derek I just poured my heart out and you are asking me to repeat something?" She said in a discusted voice.

"Meredith could you just do this for me." He asked putting on the McDreamy

"Fine, I love you. Are yo..." But she was scilenced by Dereks lips crashing into hers. He placed both of his hands on her cheeks holding her inplace. Meredith let her hands run through his hair as he started to back them up towards the science supply closet. He opened the door quickly and pressed Meredith's back against the now closed door.

Without breaking her kiss, Derek reached down and pulled her skirt up so that he could lift her off the ground and wrap her legs around his waist.

"I love skirts. More skirts I say." He said as Meredith let out a giggle. He started to kiss down her neck knowing it had to be fast they were in a public room that every teacher had acess to. But it was Meredith and he hadn't touched her naked body in so long. Even though it had only been about two and a half weeks. It felt like an eternity. He worked on lifting her sweater so he could find her breasts. He felt her legs tighten around his hips and a soft moan escaped her mouth as he found one nipple and rolled it between his fingers.

Meredith knew she needed to have sex, but she didn't need just sex, she needed sex with Derek. She took her hands out of his hair and started working on his belt. In order to fill this need that she had, she had to get his pants off. She leaned her body back against the wall and watched him as he tried to help her get his pants and his boxers off all while never once taking his eyes off of hers. Now, Meredith realized that he needed this as much as she did. They had skipped past wanting to have sex and had landed themselves both in the absolute need to have sex.

"Meredith," Derek started to say as he caught one of her nipples in his mouth, "I have to…" He continued to lick and suck on her nipple all the while struggling to talk. He took his tongue and one last time licked her nipple and then blew air on it just to drive her crazy. He looked up at her face and smiled when he saw the lust in her eyes. "I have to put you down, we somehow have to get your panties off."

"Just push them aside," Meredith said in a deep lusty voice. "Please Derek…don't waste any time, just push them aside."

Derek did as she asked and pushed her panties aside. He could feel how wet they were and he knew she had been ready for him for a while now. He didn't want to make her wait any longer so he entered her body quickly. He started to think maybe it was too quick but when he heard her moan and saw the smile on her face he didn't give it a second thought. The warmth of her body around him was almost too much for him to handle. He dipped his head down again and starting teasing her nipples all while keeping the perfect tempo in his thrusts.

"Derek," Meredith screamed, "Oh Derek please."

He knew it was coming. She was starting to tighten around him and her screaming was getting louder and louder with each of his thrusts inside her. He lifted his head up and kissed her mouth just in time to muffle her scream as she orgasmed. It only took a few more seconds before he also orgasmed and Derek leaned his body against Meredith's to keep from falling over.

"Derek, I missed you." Meredith finally said as she put her feet back on the ground and watched as Derek pulled his pants back up.

"I missed you too," he said and stole one last kiss, "Are you ready? I'm opening the door."

"Wait" she said as she was fixing her hair. "What does this mean? Oh god now I really am a whore." She said as she placed a hand on her forehead. Derek immediatly enveloped her in a hug. But then pulled her out of it to look her in the eyes.

"Meredith you know that I only said that out of frustration. That I saw the woman I love being groped by another man. I'm sorry I said that. But you are deffinitly not a whore." He said kissing the top of her head. "And I don't know where you are but I am here right now looking at the woman that I love and hoping to spend the rest of my life with. Are you ok with that." He said kissing her lips lightly again.

She nodded her head slowly. "I am very ok with that." She said with a smile.


	18. Chapter 18

"Meredith, please." Derek whinned as he followed her out of the bathroom. Derek was in his boxers and Meredith was only in a towel from the shower that she had just taken. "Come on. We can be quick." He insisted.

"No!" she yelled. "First of all my head hurts. Secondly I must not have gotten much sleep last night because I fell like if I even sat on that bed I would be asleep in a moment. ThirdlyI know that I am going to be starving during school because when I went into the kitchen today everything smelled terrible so I didn't eat. And now you want to have sex so we can be late to school. Seriously?" She dropped her towel to put on her clothes.

Dereks eyes fell upon her damp naked body. His pants started to feel tight. He shook his head quickly. Something that luckly Meredith couldn't see because she had her back to him. 'Snap out of it. Meredith doesn't feel good. We are not going to have sex this morning. So just get it out of your head you jackass.' he told himself.

She had gotten her bra and panties on when he started to talk again. He wrapped his arms around her from behind and felt her fall into her arms. "I'm sorry you feel so crappy. Do you want me to call school and let you take the day off. You could spend the entire day in bed and when I come home I can bring food." He said as he kissed he jaw softly in a non sexual manor.

"No, I have to go to school. After taking two weeks off I am already behind and I can't afford to miss another day." She said closing her eyes and turning her head so she could smell Dereks chest. "Mmmmm" she moaned as she turned around so she could smell him more. "You smell good." She smiled. "Maybe I sould just eat you." She said as she started to nibble on Dereks neck.

He moan. "Meredith you really need to stop this if you don't want to have sex. I don't know how longer I am going to beable to hold out with you in your panties and bra." He ran his hands up and down her sides feeling her lovely curves. In one quick motion he picked her up and kissed her lightly on the lips.

Meredith screamed and giggled at this act. "What are you doing Derek? I have to get ready." She whined but not fighting him.

"You are going to relax in bed while I get ready and take a shower. We still have an hour before we have to leave. So just relax and when you get up you can get dressed. Then we will leave." He layed her down on the bed and covered her with a blanket. She immediatly curled up into the fetal position. A minute later he could hear her snoring. He watched her before geting in the shower. She didn't feel good and he wanted to just kiss and hug it away. He hated when she felt bad. He wished that he could watch her all day because she looked so peaceful at that very moment but with one small kiss on her forehead he left to take a shower before he had to wake her up once more.


	19. Chapter 19

"Mr. Shephard" Meredith yelled. She was running after him down the hall. The students and most other teachers didn't know about them as a couple. "Mr. Shephard." She saw him duck into a supply closet. She quickly ran to the door.

When she opened it Derek took her hips and shoved her against the wall. He kissed her neck as the door shut.

"How...are...you...feeling?" He asked inbetween kissing. She giggled as he playfully bit her neck.

"I still feal tired but I'll be fine. I don't feel like I will throw up any more so thats a plu..." The last word came out as a moan as his hands found her pants clad clit. She withered around his hand and nipped at his neck. She let out a low moan when her hands ran through his hair.

"I want to fuck you so hard the students will notice you are limping." He wispered in her ear.

"Good, because I seem to have a small ache. I am sure you would be more than happy to help me." She ran her hands down the front of his pants.

She heard a key turning in the door. She pushed him away and quickly fixed her hair as a different teacher walked in. Derek turned around like he was looking for one of the supplies so the woman couldn't see his erection.

The woman grabed a roll of tape and quickly exited the room knowing that something was going on in that room before she had entered.

As soon as the door closed Derek had her in his arms once again. His hands were playing with the skin inbetween her skirt and shirt. "Derek, we can't do this in here." She practically moaned.

"I need you Mer." He wispered before he bit on her ear lobe. As Derek licked and sucked on the place where he knew Meredith couldn't resist, Meredith unzipped his pants. "I...need...to...feel...you...on...me." Derek pleaded inbetween kisses.

Meredith dropped to her knees as she grasped his erection. She planted small kisses on the tip and started to finger his balls. The moans that were coming out of his mouth were turning her on even more. She suddenly took his entire member into his mouth.

The sight of Meredith head bobing on him almost made him come but he placed his hands in her hair guiding her even though she did not need any help. Her tounge ran up and down his length as she started to run her knuckle over the place between his balls and butt. "Oh my god Mer. Don't stop. Please don't stop." She started to hum. "Mer...I'm going to cum." He warned her as he exploded in her mouth.

She pulled him out of her mouth and started to fan herself with her hand. "Mer, whats wrong." He asked her noticing the strange look on her face. She still hadn't swallowed like she normally did. After trying to get his seed down for a moment she finally accomplished it.

"Water, I need water." She said once it was down. Derek dug through his back for a moment until he found his water and gave her the bottle. She chugged half of the water once the taste was finally gone.

"Mer, what was that?" He asked.

"I don't know. You just tasted disgusting. I felt like I was going to vomit." She held her stomach making sure it would stay down.

"I'm sorry Mer. I wonder what is so wrong after this morning and now this."He said as he pulled his pants up and embrased her in a hug. "You don't think..."

"No, I'm not pregnant. I'm on the pill. And I would know if I was. I would have a feeling. No feeling, no fetus."

"Ok Mer but if these symptoms are persisting then I think that we should go and see a doctor. Ok?"

"Ok, but right now I have to go." She gave him a quick kiss. "See you tonight. And I expect to be rembursed for this little thing." She pointed at Derek. He pulled her towards him by her waist.

"Is there ever a time when I wouldn't remburse you as you put it?"

"No but that is becuase you are contiunusly horry. A very bad caracteristic in a teacher." She said with a smirk wishing she could just stay in his arms all day.

"Maybe, but a very good one in a boyfriend." He said recieving a giggle from Meredith.

"A very, very good one." She said as she opened the door and left.


	20. Chapter 20

It was after school on the same day. It had been a month since Meredith and Derek got back together. Derek was in his classroom with a couple of kids. He wasn't helping them. They were just there until the late bus came. Meredith walked in and knocked on the door. Derek looked up and smiled.

"Mr. Shephard, could I speak to you for a moment." She finished until she thought of something to add. "Out here?" He put down his paper, said a few words to the students, and walked out to where Meredith was.

"We can leave in a few minutes. I just have to wait until these kids leave." Derek said as he pulled her into him by her lower back.

"Thats fine its just that..." She came up closer to his ear and wispered. "I am really, really horny." She pulled back so she could see the look on his face.

"I...I just" He stamered. He made a move to back into his classroom to tell the kids he had to leave but she pulled him back.

"I have one more thing for you." She pulled something out of her pants pockets and placed it into his pocket.

What is it?" He looks couriously at her.

"I can't tell you. Its a secret." She said as she turned back towards her room. She turned around suddenly and said. "Oh, and you can open it now."

He reached into his pocket and pulled it out as Meredith slowed down to see his reaction.

He felt his pants get a little tighter as he saw Merediths little black thong. His mouth dropped open as she started to giggle.

"Wait, why are they damp." He said quietly making sure no one could hear him. She skipped back over to him and once again leaned into his ear. She suggestivly pressed her breasts against his chest. "I've been thinking about you." She nipped at his ear and dissapreared into her room.

Derek didn't know what to do first. He quickly shoved her panties into his pant pocket again and ran into his class room. "Uh Mer...I mean Miss Grey just reminded me of something that I have to do. So I am sorry but I have to leave." He was locking the door and shuting down the computer. He grabed his jacket as the kids left the room.

Meredith heard him running into her room but only turned around when he was right behind her. As soon as she turned, Derek picked her up and threw her over his shoulder. She started to giggle but not to loud so no one could her them out side of the room. "Derek, put me down." She said still giggling by her strange position.

"How do you know that it is Derek?" He asked in a low voice trying to disguise it.

"Because I have a perfect veiw of your ass and I can see how nice it is. Only Derek has that nice of an ass." She said sererously. They had made it to the door and he put Meredith down knowing that they was a good chance there were people outside. Before they opened the door Derek pushed her against the wall and roughly kissed her. Meredith started to grind her hips. Derek let out a low moan.

"Good answer." He said as he pulled away and went out the door. He looked both ways seeing no one, he waved Meredith to come. "Whos house are we going to."

"Mine, its closer." She said suggestivly.

"Good." He got into the drivers seat and Meredith in the passanger seat. They got into an akward scilence until Derek rested his hand on Meredith's thigh. The heat radiating off Dereks hand was almost unberable for Meredith to take. She wanted him so badly. She placed her hand on his and slowly moved it. She only let go of it when it was right between her legs.

He started to move his hands in small sensiually circles and Meredith withered and moaned around his hand. Once she started to rock her hips they were at her house. Derek pulled into her garage and ran out of the car door. Derek turned towards her and she jumped onto him and wrapped her legs around his waist.

Their lips locked immediatly and Meredith slipped her keys into Dereks hand. Derek carried them both over to the door and put Merediths back against the door. Derek started to fumble with the keys while lowering Meredith's shirt to expose her breast. He lached on as she started to moan louder. Derek tried to find the hole to open the door but couldn't do it with out looking down and he was a bit preoccupied.

"Derek, just put the key in the hole." She said in more of a moan than acctual words.

"Mmmhhh" Derek moaned against Merediths exposed breast. "I'm going to put my key in your hole." Derek said still having difficulties with the key.

Derek finally got it into the hole and turned the lock. I one swift motion they were in the house and Meredith was now on the opposite side of the door with her legs still firmly wrapped around his waist. "Thats what I want you to do." He moved up her neck and nipped at the one spot that always got her. She wispered in his ear "Are you going to turn my lock?" She questioned in a low suductive moan.

"Don't I always?" He asked as he walked towards the bedroom. When he said that Meredith took off her shirt and his.

"Of course you do." She said as he layed her down on the bed. He kissed her once more on the lips then trailed down her neck and on to her stomach. He stoped when he hit pants just to start unbuttoning them. He striped down her pants so now she was only in her bra. Meredith bent her knees and put them together as Derek took his pants off. He looked down at how beautiful Meredith looked layed out infront of him. Her smile grew as he ran his hands down her thighs and rested them on her kneecaps. He started to pry them appart but soon found that she was keeping them together.

She smiled when he looked down at her. She tried to hold a giggle in as Derek leaned in and kissed her softly on the lips. "Are you going to let me turn your lock." She looked as if she was giving it some real thought until she answered.

"You have to earn it." He leaned in and kissed her again and sprinkled kisses down her neck until he hit her breasts. He sucked for only a second but when he pulled back he blew a little burst of cool breath on the wet breast. She withered under his touch and her legs fell open. "Derek, I love you." She said with a grin.

"I love you too." He said as he entered her in one slow thrust. They moaned together as they felt themsleves become one. Derek gave Meredith a moment to adjust to his size. But in that moment she wrapped her arms around Derek and flipped them over. Derek chuckled frogeting how strong Meredith acctually was.

Meredith started rocking her hips moving him inside of her. She let out a moan when Derek moved his hand inbetween her legs to stimulate her clit.

When Derek started to thrust his hips in to her she started to bounce up and down on him.

Suddenly Meredith placed her hands on Dereks chest trying to steady herself. Her eyes were fluttering as if trying to focuse her vision. Derek thought that this was another one of her tricks and was trying to get him to stop so he sent a hard thrust into her.

She gasped. "Oh my God...I just...need...I just...please." Her eyes were still trying to focuse her vision. She looked very pale but he must not have noticed it earlier. She started to sway lightly and Derek sat up now knowing that she wasn't joking.

He pulled her off of him and layed her down on top of his chest. "No, no keep going I'm fine now." She did look better. There was more color in her face and she seemed to not be so out of it. "Look" she put both of her fingers on her nose.

"Meredith, you nearly fainted. You are going to sleep." He rolled them slowly on to their sides to they were spooning together.

"But I am still really horny. And I am fine. So just turn the lock. I need you." She said trying to trun them back over but Derek held her firmly in place.

"I can't lose you. I am not going to help you hurt yourself." With that said the conversation was over. Derek put his hand over her heart and Meredith intertwinded their fingers over her heart.

Meredith soon fell asleep finally giving in to what her body had been telling her to do all day but Derek didn't. He layed there with his hand over her heart feeling the beats. He needed to feel them. He was afraid that if he removed it that the beats would be gone and so would she.

He couldn't lose her again. The first time had almost killed him and he didn't know what would happen if it happened again.


	21. Chapter 21

"Meredith" Derek wispered trying to get her awake. He lightly carressed her cheek but she only scrunched her nose. "Mer, you need to get up now." She brought her hand up to her face and pushed it away. "Meredith, you are still be tired. Seriously?" He said pulling her up into the sitting position. She just groaned again.

"I am tired. Don't mock me." She said in a voice that made him laugh. She suddenly threw the covers off her and walked into the bathroom grabing a towel. She stripped down and climbed into the shower letting the hot water rush over her acheing body. She was so into the feeling of the water soothing her muscles that she didn't notice someone else stepping into the shower.

She jumped when she felt Derek take the washcloth from her hand. He started to rub the soap into her body while gently massaging as he went.

Meredith was so tired that by the end of the soap she was supporting her self by leaning on his chest.

Derek was very worried about Meredith. She was never this tired. Not even after a marothon sex night. He rubbed the shampoo into her hair. Between the nearly passing out, her tiredness, and the nausea only one thing came to his mind but she would not even concider the posibility. The thought brought a smile to his face. Meredith being pregnant. Meredith having their baby. Meredith one day walking down the isle. Watching their baby grow up. Having more children. It would be the best thing that ever happened to him.

He leaned her back under the water to wash out the soap. "How are you feeling today?" Derek asked grabbing her lavander conditioner.

"Tired, sick, and a little hungry. But I don't think I could acctually eat something."

"Ok well I will just have to run out and get us some lunch during school." He said kissing her forehead as he turned off the water and wrapped her in a towel.

"That sounds good. Can you get me chicken mcnuggets and french fries?" He picked her up and walked her into the bedroom. He sat her down at the vanity and started to brush her hair.

"I would love to get that for you. If you want anything else just call me." He grabbed a shirt and a pair of pants from the closet.

"Hey did you get my tampons last night. You could set your watch by my monthly. Its coming tomarrow." She said putting on her panties and bra that she got out of the drawer.

"Ya I got them yesterday but I didn't know which ones you want. I have sisters. I know that the tampon isle takes up the entire drug store. Trust me the first time I had to get some I came home with the heavy flow maxi pads." She gave him a true smile. "My sister wasn't to happy. She started yelling that I thought that she was fat or something." He scrunced his shoulders which made Meredith giggle.

Meredith was teaching class when there was a knock at her door. Derek opened the door and walked in. "Oh, I'm sorry Miss Grey. I didn't relize you were still teaching now. I will just come back when you are done." He said as he started to leave the room.

"Wait why don't you just wait for me here. I wanted someone to critic my teaching style and then we can talk about them during lunch." She gave him a smile.

"Ok." He sat down in one of the chairs in the back of the room with a big smile across his face.

Meredith picked up one of the beakers that she was using to teach the class. "You want to..." she zoned out as a wave of nausea washed over her. She was brought back by the worried look on Dereks face. He still sat in the back but she flashed him a quick smile. She swallowed making sure she wasn't acctually going to throw-up. "Um you want to fill the beaker with water then add the dye" She took a step forward but then a dizzy spell came over. She tried to steady herself with the desk infront of her but in the process she dropped the glass beaker. She didn't even hear the shattering. The dizzyness went away.

"I'm sorry. I am such a clutz. Try not to do what I just did." She said with a small fake giggle. "So it is almost time for lunch and I am done so you can talk amongst yourselves." She smiled back at Derek as she went to sit in her swivle chair. When she went to sit she got another dizzy spell but she missed the chair sending it back to hit the wall with a great thud. Meredith fell to the ground trying to focus her vision. Derek was the first one next to her.

"Mer, whats wrong." Her eyes were blinking wildly. "Call 911." Derek shouted to someone. He neeled down and placed her head on his knees.

"I...I can't" She let out a loud groan and rolled her head to regurgitate herself on his pant.

"Its ok Mer, your going to be ok." He gently kissed her forehead as she slipped out of conciousness.


	22. Chapter 22

Ugh

Ugh. Meredith wanted to open her eyes and find out where she was. When she had woken up she could tell that she wasn't sleeping in her own room. That was probably five minutes ago but she was to afraid to open her eyes and find where she was. She was in a bed which she figured was a twin.

She knew where she was but she didn't want to admit it. She was in a hospital. The place Derek had left her. And now it was happening all over again. A tear was finally let out of her tightly closed eyes. She had moved. Testing to see if he was there. He didn't come to her. He was gone. She couldn't even find his scent in the room.

One.

When she got to three she was going to open her eyes.

Two.

She was one number away from having her worst fear become a reality.

Two and a half.

She couldn't. She couldn't

Three!

Her eyes shot open to see a light blue, clean and empty room.

He was gone. Gone. She was alone.

She crawled up into the fetal position letting the tears flow into the pillow that her head was resting on.

She didn't want him to hurt her like this again. But now he did and this time nothing was going to solve it. The tears came out faster and faster.

She didn't hear the door open. Not that she would have cared if she had heard it. But then she smelled something new. It was a beautiful masculine scent and she automaticaly knew who it was.

Derek.

She looked up and lowered her hands from her face. He had a concerend look on his face when he noticed that she was crying. He had two coffee cups in his hand.

He walked over to her and set down the cups. He sat on her bed and wrapped his arms around her fragile frame.

"Shhhhh, whats wrong?" Derek asked as her tears started to subside.

"I thought that you were gone." She said in a quiet voice.

"What would make you think that?" He said as he lightly kissed her on the lips.

She took a deep breath. "It wouldn't be the first time." He pulled her closer and kissed the top of her head.

"I'm so sorry. I will never leave you again." He wipped away her tears.

When she was settled down Derek kissed her head once more and sat back in one of the chairs. He handed one of the coffee cups to Meredith and kept one to himself.

She took a sip but it tasted discusting to her. "What the hell is this?" She asked him taking off the lid to try to figure out what was in the coffee cup.

"Its green tea." He said normally.

"Give me some of your coffee. Thats not tea. I can smell it from here." She said reaching for the cup.

"No." He said putting the cup down and sitting across from her on the bed.

"Awwww, is little Derek being over protective of his coffee." She said in a childish voice.

"No, little Derek is being over protective of his beautiful girlfriend." He said in a similar childish voice.

He smiled thinking of the reaction that he was going to give him when he tells her. "You can't have any coffee."

"Derek, if you are going to drink it then you can't go all health nut on me about it." She said with a sigh.

"Its doctors orders." He leaned in and kissed her gently. "Its not good for the baby." He said with a giant smile. Merediths mouth dropped.

"I...I'm what?" She asks finding it hard to form a sentence.

"We are pregnant." He said climbing on top of her supporting himself on his forearms. He petted her hair back knowing that she was still trying to wrap her mind around it.

Her mouth opens and closes as she tries to form sentences. "Are you happy?" She asks quickly looking him in the eyes.

"No" Her face drops from the small smile that had started to form on her face. "I am completely extatic. I have never been this excited in my entire life." He said kissing her feirsly. "I love you so much. Are you happy?" He says seeing the fear in her eyes.

She took a deep breath. "Ya...Yes...I am...I think...no...yes." She got a smile on her face. "Yes, I am." she said confedintly. She leaned up and slammed her lips into his. When she did that it made her breast push against his hard chest. His hand ran up and down her curves. Meredith lifted her hips and made figure eights on his. He let out a low moan and pulled away.

"We can't do this here." pushing her hair away from her face. She gave him a face that he would have never been able to resist if they hadn't been in a hospital. "I promise, when we get home we can have sex where ever you want." He saw her face light up. "In your apartment."

Her face got depressed again until she got a big goofy smile. "Kitchen counter." She said bitting her lip. That was the one place Derek refused to do it. He was complaining that it would be unsanitary or something. To her it was just a exciting place to do it that would drive Derek crazy.

"Ok if you really want that then we can do that. As soon as the doctor discharges you. She said that she would be back soon but that the problems you have been having are probably from dehydration or something simple like that but they just wanted to check it out." He crawled down so his head was right above the spot she would soon have a baby bump on. "You have just been giving mommy a lot of trouble haven't you. But don't worry. Because we love you very very much." He said in a cute baby voice."You don't know how happy I am. I feel like I should do something...like I should propose." He looked at her knowing that she was going to be giving him crazy looks.

"No Derek. I don't want to be one of those couples. I don't want to get engaged because I'm pregnant. I want to get married because we love eachother." She said looking into his eyes hoping that he didn't take it the wrong way.

"Thats fine because if I did that I wouldn't have a ring to give you." He rolled to his side for a mement reaching into his back pocket. "But if I already had a ring." He pulled a silver three stone engagement ring. "That would mean that I was planning to propose to you tonight during a suprise date. With this as the ending." Derek rested his head in the valley of her breasts waiting for an answer.

"You had this planned. This has nothing to do with the baby or anything like that, right." She said hopefully.

"Yes, right here, right now this is all about you being the person who I want to spend the rest of my life and not wanting to ever be away from you ever."

She smiled down at him. "Then yes. I would love to be Mrs. Meredith Shephard." She said with a big grin.

"Meredith Shephard." He said seeing how it fit. "That is just perfect. Um I was wondering if you would mind if I called my mother. We kind of have this tradition in our family were when something big happens we have to tell my mother as soon as we can but if you don't want to thats fine too."

"No call them. Thats great that you guys have traditions."

"We are going to have tons of traditions. Like when ever we find out we are pregnant you get to pick a special place to have sex." He said as he pulled out his cell phone.

"I like that tradition." She said as he dialed the number.

"Hi mom. Ya its me. Well I have some big news. No I am not moving back to New York because my beautiful, smart, and crazy sexy girlfriend and Ijust got engaged. Mom I am going to have to talk to Meredith about that. Mom, Meredith is the love of my life. There is more news mom. Were going to have a baby." Derek said with a big smile. "Mom I am going to have to talk to her about that." He said in a stern voice. "Yes mom I promise I will call you. Of course you will meet her before the wedding. I want the second most important woman in my life to meet the first." He heard a knock on the door and scrambled off Meredith. "Ok mom the doctor is back. I have to go. Love you too." He hung up the phone as the doctor walked in. "And just so you know you are the first."

But she didn't seem to hear. She was fixated on the doctor who had just walked in. "Whats wrong?" Meredith questioned protectivly placing her hands over her growing baby.

Derek now noticed that the doctor had a very solom face. There wasn't good new.

"We ran some more tests and we found something."


	23. Chapter 23

"We found something."

Derek immeditatly got up and took Merediths hand. The one that wasn't covering her stomach in a protective manor.

"Wh..What is it?" Meredith asked. The tone scared Meredith. The tears were pinching at her eyes.

Derek kissed her head. He needed it to be ok. She wouldn't be ok if everything wasn't. She wouldn't be her if something happened. He couldn't take this again. Breaking up with the one. He couldn't do it so everything would be ok. Because he and Meredith were engaged. they were going to be together forever no matter what the doctor said.

"We thought that your dizziness, fatigue, and nausea were symptoms of your pregnancy and dehydration. Unfortunatly we were wrong. I am not going to lie. This is very serious. You have a congenital heart defect. You have had it since you were young. One of the valves of you heart wasn't fully developed and now with the baby your heart is trying to beat harder to get blood to the baby." Derek intertwind his hand with the one that is resting on top of her stomach. He rested his head on hers trying to hold back his tears. Trying to be strong.

"The good thing is that we can do surgery now because in a year it probably would have been to far gone and you would had masive heart attack." She stepped closer to the bed and sat on the edge. "The bad news is that the oporation would have you put on bypass which will not allow the baby to get enough blood." Meredith sharply took in a breath. She knew what the doctor was going to say. But she didn't want her to say it. Everything was going perfectly. Her and Derek were going to get married and have a baby. It was perfect and now all she wanted was to go back to a few minutes before when everything was ok. Thats all that she wanted. But it would never be perfect again.

"The fetus will not survive." Meredith broke down. The floodgates opened and the tears poored out. She clung to Derek like he would dissapear if she didn't. Derek just held her. There was nothing else he could do. There was nothing that he could say. Nothing would ever be ok again.


	24. Chapter 24

The doctor had left the room. She had told them that there was no chance that both Meredith and the baby would survive.

Breathe in, breathe out  
Tell me all of your doubts  
Everybody bleeds this way, just the same

Derek stood up and ran his hands threw his hair. "Ok we can get through this. We can." He went back over to her when a different doctor came in with a ekg machine to hook Meredith up to. "You need to know that I am not leaving you. I am not letting you go." She looked up at him with tears streaming down her face. He wanted to wipe them away but he didn't knowing they would be back in a matter of seconds.

Breathe in, breathe out  
Move on and break down  
If everyone goes away, I will stay  
We push and pull  
And I fall down sometimes  
And I'm not letting go  
You hold the other line  
Cause there is a light in your eyes, in your eyes

"I can't. Thats it I can't. I'm done Derek. I'm done living. Some higher power is getting a good laugh at kicking my ass because everything gets good and we get engaged and I'm happy. But then woop. He pulls the fuckin carpet right out from under me and says that I have to kill my baby." She looks away from him and looks up. "I hate him. Do you hear me. I hate you. You are a fuckin jackass. I lose my father to a divores which causes my mother to become distant and now she has azhtimes. And now this how does one person deal with it. There is no way one person can deal with all of this." She stops and turns her head back to Derek. "How am I suppost to deal with this all, Derek."

Hold on, hold tight  
If I'm out of your sight  
And everything keeps moving on, moving on  
Hold on, hold tight  
Make it through another night  
In every day there comes a song with the dawn

"Mer, I love you. I can't tell you that I understand what you are going through but I need you. You are my air. You can't leave me with a baby. I just won't beable to do it. I can't do anything without you." He enveloped her in his arms. "I am not telling you what to do with your body but... I know it sounds selfish but I want you. I want a family with you. Not with out you. And as much as I already love this baby I don't want it with out you. My life will mean nothing without you."

And I fall down sometimes  
And I'm not letting go  
You hold the other line  
Cause there is a light in your eyes, in your eyes  
There is a light in your eyes, in your eyes

"I...I...if I kill my baby..." She looked down at her hands that were rubbing her stomach. "I am already a worse mother than mine." She choked out with Dereks arms still strongly wrapped around her.

Look left, look right  
To the moon and the night  
Everything under the stars is in your arms

"No...Mer, I don't know what to say to make you feel better. There probably isn't anything to say. But we will get through your surgery and everything else and then, if you want, we will have our baby. Together. And you will be the best mother ever. I have no doubt that you would be the best mother ever. You won't be anything like your mother."

Cause there is a light in your eyes, in your eyes  
There is a light in your eyes, in your eyes  
There is a light in your eyes, in your eyes

"You wnat to have a baby with me." She said in a meek voice.

"Oh...Mer." He presses his lips to her forehead. "There is nothing in the world that I want more." He wispered against her head.

Breathe in and breathe out  
Breathe in and breathe out  
Breathe in and breathe out  
Breathe in and breathe out

Sorry its very sad and the next one will be worse. Tell me if you think that I sould put a warning on these because I will if I have to. Keep commenting


	25. Chapter 25

I open my eyes  
I try to see but I'm blinded by the white light  
I can't remember how  
I can't remember why  
I'm lying here tonight

Meredith is laying flat on the procedure table with Derek at her head. She isn't crying but her eyes are tightly shut. Derek was petting her hair and trying to keep his tears in control.

The door opened and a doctor and a nurse walked in. Meredith broke down crying and turned her head away from Derek.

And I can't stand the pain  
And I can't make it go away  
No I can't stand the pain 

He kissed her forehead and just lingered wanting to be close to her.

"I am so sorry, Mer." He said as he ran his hands over her face.

How could this happen to me  
I made my mistakes  
Got no where to run  
The night goes on  
As I'm fading away  
I'm sick of this life  
I just wanna scream  
How could this happen to me 

"Excuse me sir could you help us." They had taken out the stir ups and wanted him to put her legs in them.

"No, I can't help you. I can help you kill my baby. I can't. I just can't." Derek yelled. "I'm sorry Mer. I am so sorry. I love you." He wispered in her ear while intertwining his fingers with hers.

"We are ready but she needs to relax." Said the doctor who was now sitting infront of her.

"Relax? You want her to relax? How can...how is she suppost to relax?" He yelled.

"Der" Meredith wispered.

"I'm right here Mer. I'm always going to be right here."

Everybody's screaming  
I try to make a sound but no one hears me  
I'm slipping off the edge  
I'm hanging by a thread  
I wanna start this over again 

He took a deep breath and ran one of his hands through his hair. He had to calm her down. Thats why he was here. He grabbed a chair and pulled it close to Meredith. He turned her head so he could look at her tear stained face.

"Do you know what we are going to do when we get out of here?" Derek asked. Meredith vigorusly shook her head. "We are going to go back home and when we both go back to work we are going to go tell principal Webber that we are in love and going to get married. Then we are going to start planning our dream wedding. Do you want a big wedding or a small one?" Derek asked. He was trying to keep cool while talking to her but it was starting to fail as tears started to fall again.

"Big." She responded in a high piched crying voice.

So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered  
And I can't explain what happened  
And I can't erase the things that I've done  
No I can't 

"Really, you want a big wedding? I thought that you would want a small one." He said with a small smile. He leaned in and kissed her forehead. He rested there just breathing her in. "I love you so much."

She looked up at his eyes. "Could we have more kids?" She questioned in a meek little voice. "I mean...I want to have your babies." She said as the doctor stood up.

"I'm all done. You need to stay off of your feet for a week. No sex for two weeks." She said quickly. She came over to the other side of Meredith. "I am very sorry for your loss." She said in a very sympathetic voice. Meredith nodded her head as they were left alone.

How could this happen to me  
I made my mistakes  
Got no where to run  
The night goes on  
As I'm fading away  
I'm sick of this life  
I just wanna scream  
How could this happen to me 

Derek carressed her cheek so she would look back at him. She turned her head with pleading eyes. "Mer, there is nothing that I would like more than to have kids with you. I love you." He kissed her lightly on the lips.

"Derek, do you...do you think...that we...could name it?" Meredith asked looking him in the eyes.

"I think that that would be a great idea." He said as the tears started to fall out of his eyes. "Do you have any ideas?" He asked pushing hair out of her face.

"I was thinking of Avery." She said as the tears came full force once again.

"I love it." He said wipping her tears away hoping that their life would get much better than just this. Thats what Meredith deserved. Much better.


	26. Chapter 26

She stared at the wall, numb to everything. She wanted to cry, hell she needed to cry, but she couldn't make herself do it…not yet.

Derek had gone out to go to the bathroom. It had been only three hours since her abortion and she was now on the cardiac floor of the hospital. Her surgery was schedualed for two day later.

She felt like she was in the room for hours all by herself. The door opened a few minutes later and she heard Derek's familiar footsteps come in and stop.

The door clicked and she heard his breath hitch a little as she felt him look at her. It was only then that she let herself start crying.

All of the sudden nothing in the world mattered anymore. Absolutely nothing. All he wanted was to get back in the room and hold her. As soon as the doctor walked away he did just that, he pushed open the door tentatively and walked in. Meredith was facing the wall, her body shaking a little, and he could tell she was crying. She was scootched over to where there was ample room for him to sit down on the side of the bed so he did just that. He sat down and reached out and put his hand on her hip. She turned to face him, a little bit of her color back in her cheeks and what seemed like endless rivers of tears flowing down her face and forming puddles on the sheets.

"_It's okay."_ He whispered as she slid over and laid in his lap. She was still doubled over almost in half and it killed him to see her in so much pain. She had a fist full of his shirt and he managed to untangle it from her hand and put her hand in his, which she also held onto for dear life. He ran his hand through her hair and whispered what could be called "soothing" words to her…but right now just seemed dumb and pointless.

He didn't know what to do, other than to sit there and console her. He guessed that was what he was supposed to do.

They sat there, Meredith still crying as much as she had been and Derek sitting on the bed feeling helpless.

She was quiet, and Derek was going crazy. He wanted to know what she was thinking, how she was feeling, and most of all just wanted to hold her. She'd flinched at his touch earlier and so he'd stopped trying to do anything other than rubbing lazy circles on her back and counting ceiling tiles.

It was nearing noon the next day when Derek woke up, a crick in his neck from sitting in the chair all night, and Meredith was still sleeping in the hospital bed next to him. He took in the whole sight in front of him.

She looked incredibly small in the bed, her blonde hair looked so irregular on the starched white sheets and the alarmingly pale pallor of her skin. It seemed that in the past day the light tan she'd managed to keep through winter had faded completely. If it wasn't for the steady rise and fall of the sheet covering her chest he'd have panicked at the thought that she might be dead.

He waited for Meredith to wake up. He didn't have long to wait. She stirred when Derek cracked his fingers and croaked out a good morning to him. Her voice was shot from all the crying she'd done all night and her eyes were still bloodshot and puffy.

All the images she'd had of a curly headed dark haired little girl or boy were suddenly gone from her head. She'd relapsed into thinking about it once and cried herself back into a fit. It wasn't going to happen anymore. She was so lost, she felt empty. She'd only been a little over 2 months along...and she still felt like a huge chunk of her was missing and she had no idea how or if she was ever going to get it back.

Derek took her hand and looked towards her. She looked into his eyes and saw them full of concern and love. Derek looked into her eyes and only saw emptyness. "I'm fine" she choked out.

The simple phrase "I'm fine" let him know she wasn't, and that she was just the opposite. Of course she was, she'd just had an abortion to save herself. How could she be fine?

"Do you want anything to drink?" He felt like he was doing nothing. She was going through all of this pain and now had to go into surgery in a day. What was he doing? Sitting with her hand in his. He wanted to do something for her.

"I just...I want..." She didn't know how to say what she wanted. She wanted to be alone but Derek. He was hurting to. Maybe not phisically like her but still hurting.

"Do you want me to go?" He asked hoping the answer was no but hurt when she nodded her head yes. He smoothed out her hair and bent down to kiss her forehead. "I have my cell so just call me if you need anything. I will be back in fifteen minutes." He moved the hospital phone closer to her so she could reach it if she needed to. He kissed her head again before turning to leave. He had the door open when he turned to her. "I love you." He wispered as he let the door close not waiting for her to reply since he wasn't sure there was going to be one.

Meredith wasn't sure if it was even possible to put how she felt into words, she didn't even know how to explain it to herself, let alone to Derek. She felt nothing, she felt like she'd lost the ability to speak, to think, to feel. She felt like this shell of a person that would never ever be whole again. She pulled her knees closer to her chest to subdue the mild cramping she was still feeling, and to draw herself further under the blankets. She closed her eyes and willed herself to go to sleep.

Derek was wandering around the hospital. He wasn't used to the strange feeling that it held. He didn't know where he was going but ended up in the one place he shouldn't have gone.

The nursery.

He looked into the window and saw a small little boy with dark hair and he couldn't help thinking that that could have been his son in eight month. It was coming he could feel the tears start coming. He found a set of chairs near the glass where he sat down and broke down. How could he let this happen to Meredith, his Meredith. He was suppost to protect her. Evidently he had done a crappy job at it. But then he relized something. This was the exact same why he had felt when she was in the hospital the last time. That he had hurt her.

He felt the sudden need to get back to her. To hold her. He started to walk back to room 4336, Merediths room. Then he started jogging trying not to hit people. Then the image of her laying in the hospital bed was back in his mind and he started to sprint to her room. He needed to get to her.

When he got into the room he saw her in the fetal position with her head fully under the covers. He went over to climb into the bed like he had the night before but she stopped him.

"Stop...please don't." She said quietly.

He ran his hand through her hair and she tensed up at his touch. "Please Mer, just let me hold you. I need to."

"Oh well if you need to just froget that the woman who just had to have an abortion to save her life doesn't want you." She said in a sarcastic voice but he could hear a tint of crying.

"Mer" He wispered as he ran his hand over the cheek that he could see. She pulled away from his touch.

"No Derek. I can't do this if you are just going to resent me for it later. I know that you want children and I just killed yours. You should be pissed off at me right now but you know that I am hurt so you won't say anything now but what about in two weeks when I am out of this god forsaken place. Hmmm? What then? Are you going to leave me? Or are you just going to bottle it up, throw yourself into work, and resent me for it in ten years?" She had sat up by now and Derek could see the pain in her face as she did but she knew that she had to. That he would never take her seriously if she was in the fetal postion. "Well I can't handle that. So you need to leave." Derek started to say something but she cut him off. "No! Don't Meredith me. I am asking you to leave and if you don't I have no problem getting securtiy in here to do it since I can't. I just can't." He saw the double meaning in her words but she was scared. She was scared of being alone. But he couldn't do what she asked. He just couldn't. He lost something to. It wasn't just her.

"I can't leave. Don't you see. I love you. I love you so much that it hurts. And I get that you are hurting right now too but..." He ran his hand through his hair and roughly over his face. "I lost something to." He said as the tears started to stream out of his eyes.

"Thats why you need to leave. You lost something and you can't handle all of this." She took his hand and dropped something into it. He looked down at it and knew that she ment what she was saying. He turned around with the thing still clutched in his grip and walked out of the room.

He finally let himself go. He slid down the wall outside of her door crying but never taking his eyes off of the engagement ring that sat in the palm of his hand.

"Code blue, room 4336." came over the announcments.


	27. Chapter 27

Derek pulled open the door as he saw Meredith laying in the hospital bed unconsious. The alarm on her monitor was going off. He felt a nurse and a doctor push him out of the way as they came running through the door. That broke Dereks frozzen moment.

He ran over to her bed and took her hand. "Mer, I love you. I can't leave you and I shouldn't have let you run me out of here...I am so sorry...I will be here." While this was going on the doctors moved up her surgery for right then. They pulled her out of the room and Derek followed close behind her wispering how much he loved her.

"You can't go past here." One of the nurses told him. He stopped and pressed his back against the wall. He let himself slid slowly down it. He broke down in sobs. He couldn't believe that he had did that to Meredith. He had just sent the woman he loved into cardiac arrest. She would never frogive him now.

He had called Izzy and Christina. He didn't know what to do for her. He knew that she wouldn't want to see him but he wanted someone to be there with her. She was getting out of surgery soon and everything had gone well and Izzy and Christina were going to be there before she got out.

"What the hell did you do now?" He heard Christina yell when she saw him. He was still sitting in a chair outside where the family sat.

"Where is she? Is she ok?" Izzy asked. Derek had only told them that she was in surgery and the name of the hospital but not what was acctually wrong with her.

"If you hurt her, I swear to god" Derek intrupted her

"No, god damn it, I did not mean to hurt her," He yelled as he saw her roll out of the operating room. He ran over to her gurrny with Christina and Izzy in toe.

"She should wake up in an hour to two and then we can take out the breathing tube." Said one of her doctors. Derek nodded to him as he took Merediths hand. They were pushing her into the room. "No I'm sorry but family only." The doctor said to Christina.

"That is my sister in there. My sister and you are not going to let me in because I don't look like her?" She asked him in a harsh tone. He seemed very taken back by the small womans out burst.

"I...I'm sorry" he studdered. "I didn't relize." He said trying to make a escape. Christina ran into her room where Derek was standing over her.

"Now tell us what the fuck happened." Yelled Christina. Izzy walked over and picked up her chart. "Izzy you are a shrink. You can't tell me that they acctually taught you how to read charts."

"Christina I did go to Medical school. That is one of the things they usaually show us how to do." She started to read over the chart. "Oh god." She swallowed as Christina started to ask her what was wrong. She threw the chart down on the end of the bed. "Did you do this to her?" Izzy asked. Derek had never seen this scary side of Izzy before.

Derek looked up at her mortified. "I would never do this to her Izzy." Christina was still out of the loop.

"Could someone tell me what the hell is going on?"

"She got an abortion. Did you hurt her because she killed it?" She said unbelieving that he would acctually do something to her. At that point Christina was infront of him. She had her fists on his shirt and had pushed him up against the wall.

He looked up at her stunded. "Did you do this?" She asks again.

"How could you even think that? No of corse I didn't do this to her. I love her. I love her with everything that I have. Maybe before jumping to conclusions you should invade her privacy some more and read through her chart again. She was put back at what Derek had said but she picked up the chart again and look through it again.

"Oh my" Was all Izzy said.

"Can I let him go now or did this bastard do something worse?" Christina asked pushing him further into the wall. Derek could have easily pushed her away from him but he knew what this looked like. He would have done the same exact thing in their position so he just let her let the rage out.

"She had a heart condition." Izzy said still not able to get the whole thing with her ability to read the chart.

"She had a congenital heart defect, thats why she has been feeling so crappy. When she passed out in school they brought her here and found out that she was pregnant. We were both very happy and I proposed and she said yes..." He started to tear up. " But then they found out that she had the heart deffect and that she needed surgery." He took a deep breath. "The baby wouldn't have made it throught the surgery so they had to abort it. I was there for her but then she thought that I would leave her sooner or later for it. Which I wouldn't. But then she gave me back the ring and told me to leave. She asked me and thats what she wanted so I did. When that happened she went into cardiac arrest and was rushed into surgery." Christina let go of his shirt and he wipped away the tears that had escaped his eyes.

There was a rustle coming from the bed. They rushed over to the bed. She slowly opened her eyes. They were tearing up. She made the sign of pen with her hand. She looked so weak. She could baerly lift her hand. Christina handed her a peice of paper and she scribbled something down and turned it towards Christina and Izzy so Derek couldn't see. It said him with a line through it. They both knew what it ment but Christina was the first one to say something.

"No, you have a good relationship her. I am not going to fuck it all up for you." She said as she crossed her arms over her chest.

"Maybe...it would be...ya know for the best." She said to Christina. Derek knew what they were talking about but he wasn't about to do it unless her asked him herself.

"No she doesn't get a free pass just because she had heart surgery. I'm her person and that means that I have to do what is best for her. And that is not this." Merediths eyes were starting to well up with tears. She couldn't handle all of this. She just wanted to start over. Just start from the beginning.

She took the paper back and wrote very slowly like she still wasn't sure of what she was doing. She lifted it up so he could see it once again very slowly. 'Please Leave' was all it said. His eyes started to tear up and he leaned down to kiss her head. She turned away and he got the message. "I love you." He said as he walked out of the room remembering the last time he had walked out.


	28. Chapter 28

Izzy sat with Meredith. She sat there with neither talking. Christina had just left to change and take a shower. She said that she would only run home and be right back.

"Maybe you should call him." Izzy suggested. Christina had said not to talk to her about Derek but she was a phsycologist. She knew how to control this.

"I can't." Meredith saying her first words as the sobs once again racked her body. "I just can't do that to him."

"Mer, do you really think that he is happy? Do you think that he will ever really be happy with out you?"

"He might not be okay right now but he will be. He wouldn't have been ok in a couple of years when he would have looked at me and thought of the baby that I killed. He wouldn't have been ok and then neither would I." She said trying to get her crying under control.

"What do you think will happen in a couple of years when he thinks about what he could have had. You. Children with you. A life with you." Izzy took her hand. "He will never have those things without you. He loves you more than anything else. I can see it when he looks at you. I think that you should give him the chance to let him love you."

"But what if he leaves me? What if in ten years he figures out that he doesn't want someone who thinks of themselves before their child."

"Meredith, do you love Derek." Meredith nodded her head not giving it a second though. "Like in the really big way. Like the way that you never want to live with out him."

"Of course I do. Thats why I had to do what was for the best for him."

"If you really love him then you would rather have ten years with him and have him leave you then have no time with him."

Meredith just looked at her like a chicken with its head cut off. She watched her for a minute trying to get her thoughts inorder.

"Wheres my phone. Hurry I need my phone." She said quickly trying to sniffle the tears that were emerging from the thoughts of what she was about to do. "Hurry, I need to call him."


	29. Chapter 29

Derek layed in his bed staring at the ceiling. He thought back to the last time that Meredith had layed in this bed together. They had just gotten home from work and Meredith hadn't been feeling well so he decided to lay down with her. She had fallen asleep almost instantly and Derek just watched her. Watched the rise and fall of her chest. Outlined the shape of her face. Her lips. She was so beautiful when she sleeps. She had no fears and when he wrapped his arms around her she would smile in her sleep.

He wished he could have gone back to that moment. Just gone back to that perfect time. But now he would never have that time again. He turned over and looked at the picture on his bed side. It was one on a ferry boat and the sun was setting behind them. They both had big smiles on their face and their lips were meeting ever so slightly. It looked like the perfect picture except for the small peice of jewelry laying beside it.

Her engagement ring was sitting next to the picture. He wanted so much to have her next to him with that ring on. Or just next to him. He didn't care. He just wanted her. Only her.

He heard his phone ring in the kitchen but he did go for it. It wasn't important. Most likely it was school trying to figure out where him and Meredith were. He didn't care about his job right now. They could fire him and he wouldn't care because nothing mattered without her.

Suddenly the sleep deprivation that he had been going through crashed into him.

_He was walking throught a door into a house. He suddenly heard a shreak come through the house. "Daaaaddddddy." A boy who looked about three came crashing into the room. Derek neeled down and took the young boy into his arms spinning him around._

_"Hey buddy." Derek didn't know what he was doing but it felt so natural. He just went with what his mind told him. "Where's Mommy?"_

_"Right here." Said a very pregnant Meredith as she came around the same corner that his son had come through just moments before. Derek put his son down and walked over to where Meredith was standing. He took the laundry basket out of her hands and kissed her lips. He bent down and kissed her large stomach. _

_"You look so beautiful." Derek said as he straightened up and kissed her neck and down her chest. She pulled back slightly as he started to kiss her scar. He knew that she was self concious about her scar and he would not have that. "You are so beautiful and sexy and smart." He kissed back up to her lips and cupped her face in his hands. _

_She pushed him back slightly with her hand as she looked up into his eyes. "Answer the phone Derek."_

_"Mer, the phone isn't ringing." He listened for it but didn't hear anything._

_"Yes it is Derek and you have to answer it." She said looking up into his eyes. Her eyes filling with tears._

_"No I want to stay her, with you." He wipped the tears away from her eyes._

_"You can't, you have to go so you can have me. Just go back." _

He quickly sat up in his bed and heard the phone ring. He jumped out of bed and ran towards the kitchen. He looked at his phone and saw Meredith's picture on the screen. It was a picture of Meredith making a silly face that she hated but Derek loved.

He picked up the phone out of breath. "Hello"

The sound on the other line frightened him. "Derek...Derek please" Said a sobbing Meredith. "Derek, I need you...Please, it hurts so much." He heard the sobs racking her body. He couldn't take it.

He hung up the phone.


	30. Chapter 30

_What you got if you aint got love?  
The kind that you just wanna give away  
It's okay to open up  
Go ahead and let the light shine through  
I know it's hard on a rainy day  
You wanna shut the world out  
And just be left alone  
Don't run out on your faith_

Meredith sat there looking at the phone. He had hung up. He always said 'see you' or 'be there in a minute' but today he had just hung up.

_Sometimes that mountain you've been climbing  
Is just a grain of sand  
What you've been out there searching for forever,  
Is in your hands  
When you figure out love is all that matters, after all  
It sure makes everything else  
Seem so small_

He wasn't coming. It was totally over and there was no going back. She had everything and she just let it all go. She wasn't going to give up. She couldn't.

_It's so easy to get lost inside  
A problem that seems so big, at the time  
It's like a river that's so wide  
It swallows you whole  
While you're sittin round thinking about what you can't change  
And worryin' about all the wrong things  
Time's flying by, moving so fast  
You better make it count, cause you can't get it back_

She had to go and find him and get him to talk to her. She started to pull the heart monitor cords off her chest. The monitor was going crazy.

"Mer, what are you doing?" Izzy said trying to get the cords back on her.

"It can't end like this. I have to go and find him." She said as she threw the covers off her body.

_Sometimes that mountain you've been climbing  
Is just a grain of sand  
What you've been out there searchin for forever  
Is in your hands  
Oh, When you figure out love is all that matters after all  
It sure makes everything else  
Seem so small_

She then relized that the IV was still in her arm. She quickly yanked it out. The blood started to pour out of her arm as nurses came in trying to figure out why the monitors were going off. She wasn't walking right yet so as she started to hobble out of her room she held on to the wall for support.

"Mer, let me go and find him. I will bring him here. Just lay down."

"No, I have to go. I have to show how much I love him. I have to show him." She said as she started to cry. She didn't know if the tears were from the pain that she was feeling or the pain from knowing that she lost Derek.

The blood that was coming out of her arm was noticed by some of the nurses and doctors outside of her room. She was starting to feel dizzy and light headed."Derek" She called. The blood loss was getting to her as she was dilusional. "Derek please...it hurts so much." The doctors started to crowd around her trying to get her back into her room. "Derek" She yelled hoping that if she yelled loud enough that he would come and save her.

"Call psych we need to get her stadated." One of the doctors yelled.

A different doctor came closer to her and tried to wrap his arms around her to get back into the room trying not to cause a scene. Once he picked her up around her stomach she brought her leg up and kicked him hard in the family jewels.

She wasn't able to catch herself on the sudden fall but she didn't have to.

_Sometimes that mountain you've been climbing  
Is just a grain of sand  
What you've been out there searchin for forever  
Is in your hands  
Oh, When you figure out love is all that matters after all  
It sure makes everything else  
Oh it sure makes everything else  
Seem so small_

Derek wrapped his arms around her and pulled her head into his chest. She immediatly knew who it was and let him pick her up. He brought her back into the room and doctors started to try to get her bleeding under control.

"Don't leave me please. It hurts to much. Please." She said through her tears.

"I will never leave you again Mer, Never again." He cupped her face in his hands and brought his lips down on hers.

**comment : )**


	31. Chapter 31

Derek quietly snuck back into Meredith's hospital room. She had been sleeping on his chest when he relized that he really had to go to the bathroom. So he quickly went to the bathroom and now he was back. He felt himself hoping that she would be ok while he was gone. He had memorized her room number just incase something came over the anouncements.

He sat down in a chair next to her bed so he didn't distub her by getting back into the bed.

"No" She wispered in her sleep. He saw that her lip was starting to quiver and he could see the glisining of a tear under her eye. "No, please don't" She said a little bit louder. Derek took her hand in his and rubbed it soothingly. She started to cry and Derek noticed that the heart monitor had started going off.

He stood up and brushed her hair out of her face. She thrashed her head. "Mer, I'm here. I'm never leaving." He wispered. Her eyes shot open and wrapped her arms around him tightly. "Mer" He wispered. She looked up into his eyes. "Let me understand." He climbed on to the bed and wrapped his arms around her so she was still looking at him. "Tell me why."

"I...I didn't want to hurt you." She burried her head in his chest once again and his shirt was soaked through with tears almost immediatily. "I couldn't hurt you."

"But you did hurt me. You hurt me so much when you told me to leave." He wrapped his arms tighter around her shaking body.

"I didn't want you to hurt if I died." She cried.

"Oh, Mer" He kissed the top of her head gently. He just rested his lips there now knowing what she was thinking. "Do you know how much it would have hurt if you had died and I wasn't there or you had kicked me out." He started to rock them trying to get her breathing settled. "I would have blamed myself. I don't know if I would have been able to deal with it."

"I don't want to lose you." She wispered.

"You won't. You just can't try to protect me. Let me decide what I want." He tilled her head up so she was looking in his eyes. "I want you. Thats all that matters in my life. You." He raised her face towards his and gently placed his lips on hers. "Nothing else matters to me." He kissed her lightly again and placed a strand of hair behind her ear. He got up and Meredith wimpered in the loss of his touch. "I think that we need some rules."

"Ok, like what." She said as she flinched trying to sit up better.

"Like we can't try to protect each other from these kinds of thing. We just end up hurting the other one more. Ok?"

She nodded her head. "I am sorry, again." She said quietly.

"There is no need to be sorry. You were just trying to help me." He carressed her hair. "Second, when one of us tell the other to leave for a bad reason we can't. Ok I won't leave no matter how hard you try." He pulled her head down and they were once again locked in a passionate kiss. "Ok I think that we have to stop that. We are in a hospital after all." She giggled and fell back on to the pillows behind her.

"I love you" She wispered as she started to fall asleep once again.

"I love you too." He noticed that she was trying to keep her eyes open. "Go to sleep. I will be here when you wake up." She nodded and closed her eyes.

Derek sat there caressing her hair for about five minutes when her eyes suddenly poped open.

"Mer, what is it? Are you ok?" He asked worriedly.

"Ya, I just remembered that I need my ring back." She said simply and held out her hand.

"No way. You gave it back to me so now I have to give it back to you. You don't get to just take it back. I am going to ask you the right way." She let out a frustrated sigh. "Now go to bed so you can get out of here faster. Love you"

"Love you too."


	32. Chapter 32

She was finally going home. She was so happy to be going home with Derek. She had her eyes closed as they made their way home. She jumped when she felt Derek's hand fall on to her thigh.

"There is some where I want to go before we go home. Ok? And tell me if you want to go home." They pulled up in to cemetary. Meredith knew what was going on. Derek looked over at her to see the tears forming in her eyes. "You ok?" She just nodded her head and whipped away the tears that had fallen.

He parked the car and went over to open Meredith's door. She slowly made her way out of the car. She placed her head on Derek's shoulder and gripped his hand with both of hers. She lets him lead the way and doesn't speak.

Derek hopes this is the right thing to do. She needed closure and this was something that could help. It wasn't only her that needed closure. He did too but right now he was only thinking of her. She couldn't have to much stress and he knew she would be stressing over this.

Meredith noticed the tombstone in a clearing. It was a sunny day and the yellow flowers that were planted around it made it shine. They got infront of it and Derek started to sit. He guided Meredith so she was sitting inbetween his spread legs.

She read the inscription.

_To the love we never met._

_Beloved child,_

_Avery Grey-Shephard_

It was simple and was just what she wanted. She hadn't thought about doing anything like this but it was perfect.

"I'm so sorry baby. We love you so much and we didn't mean to hurt you. We did want you and I wish that you were still here but you saved me. You saved your mommy and I will always be grateful to you for that. I wish that we could see you grow up but we love you so much and we just wanted you to know that." Meredith said letting the tears fall. She choked out the last part and let her head fall back on to Derek's chest.

"We did the right thing Mer. It might not seem like it now but it was the right thing to do. I love you so much that I can't picture my life without you. If it wasn't for our baby you might not be here. I love you so much Avery but I promise that you didn't die for nothing. I know this is how you would want it to be. I know if I could have saved my father I would have died for him. We love you so much and I hope you know that." He leaned forward and kissed Meredith's temple.

"Can we go home now?" Meredith asked.

"Yes lets go home." He stood up and helped Meredith up on her shaky legs. "I love you both so much."


	33. Chapter 33

Meredith was curled up on the couch. It was Saturday. Exactly four weeks since her baby died. She sat there drinking her tea. She hadn't drank any coffee since she found out she was pregnant. She knows that she can drink it now but a feeling inside of her wishes that she couldn't. She doesn't want to be able to drink coffee because that meant that her world hadn't fallen apart. She hadn't gone back to work. She couldn't. She knew that she was risking having to repeating her internship but she couldn't go back. Everyone knew what happened yet they didn't know who the father was. The McNickols knew but no one else did. She didn't want to be asked that question. She just wanted to fall. Fall into oblivian where nothing was wrong. Where no one died. To top it all off her mother was getting sicker. Soon she had to go see her. Meredith had been putting it off. Derek was supportive but she needed to be pulled from this state. She hated that she needed Derek but she did. She needed him to save her and he had no idea.

Derek walked into the kitchen which was merged with the living room and turned on the coffee pot. He had gotten used to having to do it but she needed to get out of this funk. She was stuck and he had no idea how to get her out of it. "Good morning, Mer." He said as he waited to get coffee. She didn't respond. Just continued to look out the window. Watch the people on the streets with perfect lives. Well maybe not perfect but better than hers. She had burried her first child, had heart surgery, and was stuck in a vortex where she couldn't do anything about her crumbling relationship. "You have a doctors appointment today. Do you want me to come?"

Yes, yes was the answer that was in her head. She wanted him to come and support her but that wasn't what she said. "You can come if you want." She wispered. She never looked at him. Not like she used to. Now it was a look that said that 'you are the reason I had to kill my baby.' He didn't want her angry at him. He didn't want to be angry at her. He understood that she had lost her baby. He had lost a baby too. He didn't want to be angry but it was hard when she did nothing but ignored him.

"NO Meredith. You make a decision for once." He yelled at her.

"For once?" She yelled back finally looking at him. "I had to make the decision to kill our baby. I had to make the hardest decision of my life."

"I get that Meredith but don't push me away because of it. Don't make me out to be the bad guy. I understand that you lost something. I did too. Did you ever think of that. Did you ever think about what I lost."

"What did you lose. What did you lose that trumps losing the thing that was growing inside of you. The think that was suppost to be protected by you. What trumps that?"

"How about losing your baby and your girlfriend all in the same day? How about having to be blamed everyday for a month for killing a baby?"

"I don't blame you."

"That is the biggest lie that I have heard for a long time. You blame me for making a baby that you had to kill. You might not come out and say it but its in your eyes."

"I'm sorry that I can't help you out but I am trying to keep myself from walking into that bathroom and slicing my wrists open with my razor. Everyday I see it and think 'One slice, one slice and this could all be over with' but I don't. I don't because of you. I don't because I love you and it might not seem it but I love you and I know that it would hurt you. I don't resent you for giving me something to kill. I resent you for not being able to kill myself.

He looked down at her. Then he got up and walked out of the apartment, down the stairs, and out of the building and her life.

**The End**

**There will of course an sequal. its called So Small. Please come read.**


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